the Pre Deployment Blues

I've been at an uncharacteristic loss for words in the past few weeks.  I can't seem to gather my thoughts enough to form coherent sentences, never mind stringing them together to post on a blog ! 

I guess it's called the pre deployment blues.  I keep wondering how do we do this?  How do we say "see you soon" and send our loved ones off to war.    there are no training wheels for this particular chapter, no pre deployment for dummies book, no time.

I find myself staring at my nephew, trying to store every nuance of his speech, his expressions, his laugh, his smile, his ridiculous faces that he makes.  I don't want to forget a thing.   Oddly, as I sit and listen to him speak, in my head I'm hearing the 3 year old asking me the why questions.  Some day's it's like ghosts are in the room.  I'm looking at this handsome, strapping young man, all grown up - yet - I'm seeing the small boy, the junior high schooler , his smile as he got his HS diploma.    Funny thing this role reversal - now it seems that I am the one full of questions... and getting the same type answers I gave him at different ages.   You know questions that the answers change to based on their age? Well now I'm getting answers, apparently, based on how much he thinks I can handle.   When he hugs me , it's accompanied by a pat on the back - he's sensing my unease and comforting me without either of us saying the words.

So how do we do this ? How do we in the silent ranks stifle the words we really want to say, Don't GO!  Suppress the tears - because we don't want them going off worrying about our fears - they have enough of their own to deal with.   How do we do this?   I'm learning we do it the same way we've done everything else all their lives, with a lot of love and compassion.  This time it's more of a minefield to negotiate - which subject will he deem to be off limits today?

I keep being told, and telling others, it's not about us. well I'm finding to some extent it is.  We have to deal with what they are doing and then also deal with how WE are doing.   So many, from what I'm seeing, focus all their energies on their Marines that they forget to take care of themselves.   So - here's my 2 cents - take care of you too. Im not an oracle, I don't know it all, some days I question if I know anything.  But, for me .. this is what seems to be helping.
If you need to take some quiet time take it! If you need to dissolve into tears then do it.   I'm not talking hysteria every time you see them, but, seriously, they know how upset you are and may find it a bit bizarre that you are showing no emotion.   Talk to your friends, get yourself out of the hyper focus. For me the only way to accomplish this is to go back to my non military friends, just being with them, and not having the intensity level that my military friends have, is a relief some days.   I don't need to be feeling guilty at enjoying life's frivolity.  Find a hobby, find someone that needs your help.    Every shopping trip does not have to be centered around a care package, don't stop enjoying and living your life - our freedom to do so is what they are defending.



So how do we do this   ?  I'm curious ... how do YOU do this?  I'm open for suggestions

here there everywhere

hello again !  I've been so busy running around and either avoiding the heat or reveling in it that I'v not stopped long enough to write!   I am now relaxing in air conditioning and able to think again - my brain, I fear, had overheated.

Off they go - and the journey begins

SHIP DAY _ DAY 1


The day they leave - is probably one of the toughest days ever.   You will cry, you will feel like your lost, you will not function that well in your daily routine.  DO NOT WORRY this is perfectly normal behavior.   Essentially, someone you have kept close tabs on has disappeared into a void.   You feel like you know nothing, you don't know what to expect, you wonder if they are okay, what they are doing each and every second and what you can do to help.  It's like a big black hole has come and swallowed them up.   The thing to remember is that thousands upon thousands of US Marines have passed through those portals and made it just fine.  

• Arrival - When the bus arrives, they are met by receiving Drill Instructors and the indoctrination begins immediately.  Recruits get off the bus, stand on the fabled yellow foot prints and their journey aboard MCRD Parris Island or San Diego begins:
  

http://www.marines.mil/unit/tecom/mcrdparrisisland/Pages/2009/Other%20Months/ParrisIslandthroughtheeyesofnewrecruits.aspx

• Phone call home - each recruit is given the opportunity to make a quick call home - make sure your phone does not have any blocks on it as the call will come from a restricted number.  It is a scripted call, they cannot deviate from the script. You will hear yelling in the background, and your recruit may not sound like their self.   This again is normal, they are in a very new and different environment, have been traveling for possibly hours and a little nervous.  Just scream I LOVE YOU into the phone - no need to listen as this link will tell you what they are saying.

http://parrisisland.yuku.com/topic/21809/t/The-First-Phone-Call-Home.html?page=-1

• this is very important to remember - do NOT worry if you do not receive this "I'm here" phone call.   They did not lose your son/daughter/hubby/wife/bf/gf/nephew/niece/brother/sister.  There are occasions where the recruit either forgets your # or dials incorrectly, most will be too nervous to say anything so... on Tuesday mornings, in random homes across the USA there is someone scratching their head wondering what they heck that 1 AM phone call was all about. 
  

The recruits spend the first few days in RCP or Recruit Processing Platoon.  They are given haircuts, clothing, instructions - their transformation from civilian to Marine has begun.

• Start writing those letters, no you will not have an address yet, but you can start writing so that when you do - those letters are ready to go ! 
• Utilize the recruit message boards, talk to others who have experienced week 1.  I'm not going to lie, it's a tough week.  You want to know are they okay, are they homesick, are they regretting this, what are they thinking, eating, wearing, O M G how am i going to get through 13 weeks of this? 

Okay - again, it's a very emotional day for us, so cry if you want - the urge or need to cry is going to be very close to the surface.  You'll learn later on how to hide it but for now .. just cry.   Then stop and find something, anything to do.  Keeping busy is the best way to get through boot camp.    Oh wait .. you found yourself back on yuku for the millionth time today? searching out any tidbit you may have missed?  Yeah well ... message board addictions occur at an alarming rate, there is only ONE known cure - Graduation.


Now if you've done your reading.. hint hint... you will have read that Boot Camp can be a very stressful/chaotic time for recruits.   It is also a very stressful/chaotic time for loved ones.   The same basic premise for the reasoning applies to both groups.  Your recruits are being trained to be US Marines, you are being trained to be a US Marine loved one.  They are learning that the only thing they need to know is whatever the Drill Instructor tells them.

  We are learning  we no longer are the only authority in their life.   The needs of the Corps will almost always trump anything else we deem important.  You can be bitter and angry when you realize this or  learn to  accept it as your recruit has.  Lack of communication, information, knowledge is a pattern that will be repeated.   It is sometimes a hard thing to come to terms with, there is going to be a small part of what they do that we will never know about.

For the most part they are trained to not attach emotion to what they are doing - so 'how did you feel when..." is a question  that will be met with a blank stare.  They didn't feel - they just did.   Yes I know... we all want to know the magic formula to transform the civilian who had to be asked to pick up his/her socks 10 times before it was done to one who will follow his Drill Instructors order immediately and without question.  Alas, it is a deeply guarded secret.  Each Drill Instructor, while trained the same, is as different as each recruit is. What works on one recruit may not motivate another recruit.

The first night is a tough one, mostly we're worn out from the emotions of the day so we can sleep.   There's no way around the fact that your last waking thought and first in the morning will be of your recruit.  I'm really not sure how it happens, and so quickly, but every single thing that was important yesterday has taken a back seat.   You have gone into hyper focus - your thoughts are never far from Parris Island.   It's not unusual to find yourself in the midst of a conversation regarding the weather and jump in with ... hmm I wonder if it's a black flag day on PI".  The person you are speaking to will more then likely not have a clue as to what you're talking about.  Continue on as if nothing happened.  This won't be the last time, you will become quite skilled at finding a way to work your recruits name into any topic of conversation.  It becomes a high art form.

Example; Friend, " I am training to climb Mt. Everest next year",  your reply, "Wow that's nice.  I wonder if Recruit has any mountain training at boot camp.    Talk about training hard, have I told you what Recruit is doing today"?  Then whip out your handy matrix and show it to your friend.

This gets a little better as time goes on, but for the most part, yeah you're most likely a bit obsessed.  It's okay, we understand.

to be continued........

Boot Camp for Loved Ones.

I've been asked by newbies to blog about the boot camp experience ... ohhh boot camp, who knew then that it was the easiest part of the ride ?   In preparation I reread the letters I sent and received while my then recruit was on Parris Island.   I laughed, I cried and I remembered...

I've tried to put together what I consider to be Boot Camp For Loved Ones.   While this is geared to the USMC, I'm sure the sentiments and advice is not limited to the Marines.  None of the Boot Camp Blogs will be straightforward facts.  The boot camp experience is a roller coaster of emotions, you ramble, you cry, you get silly, you get angry.  This blog will sometimes mirror that, memories of boot camp come back in a wave, not a drop or day at a time, and it's hard to separate that out.  There are days that stand out for all of us - but for the most part, in hindsight, it's one big blur. 

Things you need to know before they ship - Poolee loved ones 

• Get on the internet, start googling their branch of service and 'boot' or "basic" training.  Learn about their options, what their choices are for their military careers.   Information, information, information.... is your new best friend! 

• Meet their recruiter, ask questions ( see hint # one)
• Look at their contract before they sign, make sure all agreed upon points are written IN the contract. 
• understand that no matter how you feel about your loved ones decision to enlist- if you are sitting in a recruiters office there is not much left stopping your soon to be recruit from signing on the dotted line.  They would join and blindly sign anything put in front of them.   Make sure they understand that you are just making sure they are getting whatever is agreed to - not looking for loopholes :-)

• Find and familiarize yourself with a support board geared towards boot camp.  Read through old posts, read all the threads that explain the boot camp experience. Ask questions, in chat rooms and posts.  No question is silly - every single person there is either new or has stood in your shoes.  We all had questions and people to answer them. 

www.parrisisland.yuku.com
www.recruitparents.com

This is an experience that is hard for anyone who has not been through it understand.  I have a large circle of friends and, though interested, it was apparent very quickly that they just didn't 'get it'.  You also find yourself on one track - you can't seem to have a conversation that lasts more then 2 minutes without somehow working the name of your recruit into the conversation. Talking in the chat rooms gives you and audience that understands.  The connections you make among other military family's is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
 

• Buy stamps, white envelopes -make friends with the mailman/woman - you will count them among your closest friends in 13 weeks.

• MEPS - Find out if you can go to MEPS to see your soon to be recruit swear in.  Some recruits prefer to say their good byes at home.   This is your first important lesson - this is not about YOU it's about your recruit - no matter how much it hurts, respect their requests... our job at home is to make things as stress free as possible for our recruits/Marines.  This includes having their needs, when it pertains to their requests, take precedence over what WE want.

• Get on the internet, start googling their branch of service and 'boot' or "basic" training.   Information, information, information.... is your new best friend!   

http://www.mcrdpi.usmc.mil/index.asp

• Search out support groups in your area - Blue Star Mothers is a good place to start

 and take a deep breath, now another.   They will survive this and you will too - really - I promise.  You'll be stronger, you'll be proud, you'll be the loved one of an service member in the US Military.

Father's Day

Father's Day - this is with Chris in mind, a friend who exemplifies what a Dad and a Marine Dad is all about.  Your expressions of love, sadness, weakness, strength, happiness, understanding, pride and love are examples for all to follow.

One can't help but think about all the kid's missing their father today and all the dad's missing their kids.  

For you dad's that said goodbye to your son's as they set off on their military career; While your hearts may be heavy missing them, your gift is in knowing your part in raising such fine young men!  Dad's who may not get a call, text or email today, since their sons are deployed without daily access to any type of communication - I hope the pride in your son's and the job's they are doing should hopefully ease the dull pain of missing them.   Your guidance, knowledge, caring and love are a part of who your son's have become today - men willing to sacrifice the time spent with you and their family's to insure our life and freedoms remain intact.

For the young and no so young dad's who can't be with their children today, won't get the messy breakfast so lovingly prepared, won't be awakened by giggles, hugs and kisses and squeals of Happy Father's Day!  Words simply don't suffice.  We appreciate your willingness to give up this precious time with your own family to do your part in keeping our country free.    For the first time dad's, some of whom may not have even met their new baby yet, there is a special place for all of you in my heart today.   

This is yet another cost of war, another unseen sacrifice that our servicemen, ( and women), make.   In lands far away, looking at their children, who are growing so quickly as children do, on computer screens via skype, in pictures sent.  The children that they worry - have I been gone so long or often that they won't know me?  Rest assured, they know you, your family is keeping you in the forefront of your child's world. 

My wish for you all is that next year, you celebrate with each other !

the epic battle

I had something happen last night in the boot camp chat room and it's not the first time, will not be the last time and upsets me each time it happens.

The great mom vs girlfriend/wife struggle.

People!!! Please stop!!!!!  This isn't a contest, it's not a debate, it's apples and oranges really.

It's also something I hear after boot camp, recurring during leave and liberty. But , probably due to the emotions of boot camp - it's more prevalent there.  

Parents lamenting that the 'wife/girlfriend' gets more letters, the 'wife/girlfriend' got the phone call.   Wives/Girlfriends complaining that the 'mom' won't let her son grow up, the 'mom' expects to come first.   My least favorite ... the "I'm going to get that first hug on Family Day".   OH STOP IT!  this isn't a race to the death, it's NOT about us... it's NOT about who's first or last - it's about THEM!  Do you really think that the first hug means more to your newly graduated Marine then the 2nd, 3rd or last one?  Absolutely not - he just cares that all the people he loves are there and hugging him.   Does he love you more if you get the first hug ... really??? 

Our job as loved ones is to create a calm atmosphere for our recruit/new Marine.  They don't want the angst and anxiety of an epic emotional struggle.  It's not fair to put them in that position.  We learned this in kindergarten and it's one of the best lessons life teaches us .. Share, be generous - it will make it all much easier in the long run.  

If you get a letter, share it with the 'other' woman in his life.   When they go off to boot camp it's emotionally wrenching for all concerned.  You don't miss him more, you miss him differently.  Parents miss their sons, their presence in their homes, Girlfriends/wives miss their partners.    Yes sometimes we feel they have not made the right choice - but - they have made a choice to be with this person and nothing will change that.   No not all g/f's or wives are cut out to be with someone in the military, again that's a learning process that has to be worked out by them.  Certainly our telling them it's not the right person isn't going to change it!   Use the 3 months to forge a relationship with each other ... you may think you have nothing in common - but in reality you have something huge in common - your recruit and missing them.  Relationships are begun with much less then that at their foundations.  As a Mom - consider that this person is someone your son/daughter loves and cares about - As a girlfriend/wife remember that the Mom carried your loved one for 9 months, raised them and now had to watch them go off to do something terrifying.  Be sympathetic.   Plan a lunch, go out for coffee - one thing's for sure .. neither of you will tire of talking or hearing about your recruit.  Girlfriends - you may learn something about the boy that was - Mom's you may learn something about the man that is.

It can be so easy or made to be so hard.   If you keep the thought that whatever you do here is for your recruit/Marine it makes it more palpable.  You don't want your new Marine, home on boot leave, to have to start making choices about who to spend time with.  Plan dinners and invite the girlfriend/wife.  Include each other.   If you're the girlfriend, remember someone else loves this man, make sure you go to his parents house and he spends time with them too. 

I have had the pleasure of witnessing a mom and a girlfriend who have done all of the above.   Their Marine is not the only one that benefits - they realize that they do to.   He knows that the women in his life have united, are there for each other and respect his feelings towards both of them.   It makes leave easier - he isn't torn and feeling like he's disappointing people, precious time isn't spent arguing over it.   They have found that talking to each other makes them feel closer to him, they lean on each other for support - which they can give each other in a way no one else can.


I know there are situations that make any of the above almost impossible, there are possessive moms, selfish girlfriends.  I'm just asking that you all try, put the bad feelings that may exist from the past aside, this is a new beginning for everyone and we all need people to help along the way.  If for no other reason - do it for the one you both love... he'll be thankful for it.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day -

People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell

Once upon a time it was the first long weekend of the summer.  The beaches officially opened,  bbq's were cleaned and fired up, friends made plans .. 3 days off !!  There were parades, I participated when I was younger - my gymnastics team was always pressed into it - the participation was fun.. but there was no further meaning other then I got to do flips on the back of a truck for a few miles.

Last year was my first Memorial day as a military family member.  I did my usual thing - went for the weekend to a friends place in a small town in  upstate NY.  We decided to go to the town parade - I still gave it no further thought until ... the tractor/floats started coming down the road with support our troops signs.   I was standing there cheering with the crowd when all of a sudden tears started pouring down my face.   Here I was in a festive, happy atmosphere and crying.   It hit me then - Memorial day was more then just a day for bbqs.  Those 'troops' that the signs were imploring we support, the fallen they asked us to remember ... these were my Marine and my friends sons and daughters.  They were not just faceless, nameless vague entities known to most as 'troops' - I knew their faces, I know their names  - they are our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fiances, girlfriends, boyfriends, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, grandchildren, friends, neighbors - they are America's youth.  who are willing to put their lives on the line to protect Americans so that they can have their bbq's and parades.   The full force of it just hit me then and, to be frank, the emotion I felt took me by surprise.   I was crying for the fallen but more so, I was crying from PRIDE.

So, yes, Memorial Day no longer is just a 3 day weekend, it's not only a bbq and beach day.  It has taken on it's true meaning for me.   But, I am not angry that the larger part of our population in the US doesn't realize it, or acknowledge that.   They are living the reason that our troops are fighting - for family, for small and big town America to be able to go about their days without worry and terror.

So I will attend my usual round of beginning of summer bbq's, I will smile and for some moments bask in the bliss that stems from it just being a 3 day weekend.

BUT I will wear my nephew is a Marine T shirt, I will remember those that have made the ultimate sacrifice, those that were injured, those that are over seas now, those that are going and those that just returned.   I will say a  prayer for all of our family's - the silent ranks - for we deserve to be remembered as well.  I will say a prayer for peace of mind and heart for Gold Star family's who are visiting a grave site instead of going to the beach.   I will go to the parade and be volunteer at it - my presence and pride will gently remind people of the true meaning of the day.

But I will also be happy participating in the more frivolous parts of the weekend,  for me -  the small pleasures and freedom to take part in them are what the fight is also about. 

If you happen to meet a service member, retired or active, thank them - tell them we appreciate what they do.

For all our Gold Star and Purple Star family's - know a grateful nation remembers

For all the Fallen and Wounded Warriors  - we thank you for your service and sacrifice and we will never forget you.



Sleep well America, A Marine has my heart and he has your back!

Memorial Day - without video link

- Memorial Day -

People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0&feature=related

 Once upon a time it was the first long weekend of the summer.  The beaches officially opened,  bbq's were cleaned and fired up, friends made plans .. 3 days off !!  There were parades, I participated when I was younger - my gymnastics team was always pressed into it - the participation was fun.. but there was no further meaning other then I got to do flips on the back of a truck for a few miles.

Last year was my first Memorial day as a military family member.  I did my usual thing - went for the weekend to a friends place in a small town in  upstate NY.  We decided to go to the town parade - I still gave it no further thought until ... the tractor/floats started coming down the road with support our troops signs.   I was standing there cheering with the crowd when all of a sudden tears started pouring down my face.   Here I was in a festive, happy atmosphere and crying.   It hit me then - Memorial day was more then just a day for bbqs.  Those 'troops' that the signs were imploring we support, the fallen they asked us to remember ... these were my Marine and my friends sons and daughters.  They were not just faceless, nameless vague entities known to most as 'troops' - I knew their faces, I know their names  - they are our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fiances, girlfriends, boyfriends, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, grandchildren, friends, neighbors - they are America's youth.  who are willing to put their lives on the line to protect Americans so that they can have their bbq's and parades.   The full force of it just hit me then and, to be frank, the emotion I felt took me by surprise.   I was crying for the fallen but more so, I was crying from PRIDE.

So, yes, Memorial Day no longer is just a 3 day weekend, it's not only a bbq and beach day.  It has taken on it's true meaning for me.   But, I am not angry that the larger part of our population in the US doesn't realize it, or acknowledge that.   They are living the reason that our troops are fighting - for family, for small and big town America to be able to go about their days without worry and terror.

So I will attend my usual round of beginning of summer bbq's, I will smile and for some moments bask in the bliss that stems from it just being a 3 day weekend.

BUT I will wear my nephew is a Marine T shirt, I will remember those that have made the ultimate sacrifice, those that were injured, those that are over seas now, those that are going and those that just returned.   I will say a  prayer for all of our family's - the silent ranks - for we deserve to be remembered as well.  I will say a prayer for peace of mind and heart for Gold Star family's who are visiting a grave site instead of going to the beach.   I will go to the parade and be volunteer at it - my presence and pride will gently remind people of the true meaning of the day.

But I will also be happy participating in the more frivolous parts of the weekend,  for me -  the small pleasures and freedom to take part in them are what the fight is also about. 

If you happen to meet a service member, retired or active, thank them - tell them we appreciate what they do.

For all our Gold Star and Purple Star family's - know a grateful nation remembers

For all the Fallen and Wounded Warriors  - we thank you for your service and sacrifice and we will never forget you.



Sleep well America, A Marine has my heart and he has your back!

Heroes in Heaven

Heroes in Heaven
by Janet A. Norwood

Heaven’s full of heroes
who sacrificed their lives
in service to our Country
so that Liberty survives.

Uniforms of blue or gray,
khaki or olive green;
skin of every color;
young and old and in between.

They fought in many places –
spanning history and time.
Flags wave in their honor still;
in tribute, church bells chime.

In cornfields of America
or on Europe’s distant shore;
Pacific island paradise
or Chosin Reservoir.

In blowing desert sands,
or in jungles’ stifling heat,
on Navy ships or in the air,
or Fallujah’s dusty streets.

It doesn’t matter where they fell
or if we know each name.
What matters is to know that
when their Nation called, they came.

Grateful for their service,
for the precious blood they spilled;
for their sacrifice and courage,
and the duty they fulfilled.

Yes, heaven’s full of heroes –
now part of history.
We treasure what they gave to us –
The Gift of Liberty.

© Janet Aston Norwood, Gold Star Mother of Sgt Byron W. Norwood, USMC
KIA Fallujah, Iraq – 13 November 2004
Dedicated to all of our Fallen Heroes since the beginning of American History
and to each of their Gold Star Mothers

Silence... is it golden?

With all the information we all share .. how much is too much?  Is there a point that we cross the line, intrude on others?  I'm struggling with this dilemma for the past few days.   Is my need to be involved also taking precedence over some one's right to privacy and more importantly, right to finding his own way?

The quiet - sometimes there is a need to go quiet. 

Whether it's a family member or your service member - silence is not always bad.  I find I need to distance myself at times from it all and just be with my own thoughts; to gain focus again.  

Of course there is the other side to it, someone who is silent can also be drowning and in need of help.  The trick is in how to figure out which situation is presenting itself.     

If I find a friend who has been fairly good at communicating suddenly drop out I reach out.   Not publicly in a post, but in a private message and ask if all is okay.  If it's just the case of their needing to be quiet for whatever reason, then I respect that.   l let them know I'm here for them and leave it be.   If it's someone who is obviously in distress and can't ask for help, then I extend the hand and hope they reach for it.  There's a fine line between intruding and interest and sometimes hard to negotiate without hard feelings or missteps.  

With our service members it's a little more difficult.   Their situation is more complicated - it can be a problem with their command, other's in their unit,  news they are being told that they can't share, deployment, dealing with the aftermath of being deployed.   It's a slippery slope that we have to learn to navigate, when are we hovering... when are we pushing to hard, or not hard enough?  When is it them not knowing how to communicate what they are feeling or that natural distancing that comes with just growing up? 

I read somewhere that the average Marine recruit entering boot camp at 17 or 18 will mature the equivalent of 2 years in that 3 month period.  To me that's astounding!  How are we supposed to catch up when our time frames have remained at the status quo?   Were we supposed to be able to make that leap as well? 

It's hard to discern when the need for quiet is healthy for myself as well.  I don't really want to be talking all Marines all the time, some days I want to make believe it doesn't exist at all.   I draw back from the constant chatter and posting, not because I don't care but possibly because I begin to care too much.   I hope I don't insult someone or hurt their feelings when I explain it's just me needing some distance.   Some get it, some don't.  I hope I'm one of those that 'get' it when the shoe is on the other foot.   I want to make sure I am respecting every one's wants and needs - my friends and my serviceman's.


This learning curve and living out loud is a process that takes some getting used to. How much is too much?

The new 'normal'

It occurred to me that I seem like a Debbie Downer lately and I'm really not.

There are plenty of good days, most weeks/months they outnumber the bad.  I'm not dealing with a deployed service member. Our Marine is safe and sound on a base in the US. 

I feel for my new Marine family members that are, I, some days, fear the future but on the whole, life is good.


There comes a turning point, it came for me when he left for MCT, combat training - the next step after boot camp.  I occurred to me that 5 years is a LONG time to live in an emotional pressure cooker and to continue my obsessive behavior.    There was another part of my life that was jumping up and down in need of my attention.   The life full of people that existed and continued, most times without me,  when he went to boot camp. 
I made a conscious effort to call and reconnect with my friends that I had neglected, caught up on events that I had missed, did chores and errands that I had ignored.   The small details that made up my life that I had put on hold.   They cannot be put on hold forever, at some point we all have to re enter our 'normal' life.   Have a conversation that doesn't include mention of our servicemen/women and what they are doing.   Oh my! there was a time that I didn't think it was possible - but I found it is.

Seriously, he was not my hyper focus prior to enlisting and I had to get things back into a better balance.    So I have -  I still tend to speak to my Marine family on a more regular basis, I involve myself in volunteer work at this point solely with a military slant, but, I have made a successful re entry.   I go to parties, theater, attend social events, ball games, graduations, communions and completely enjoy myself.   The balance is still a little off but it's much better then it was and I am happier, and calmer, for it.

The fabric of my life has been rewoven to now include plenty of new threads - Marines, their family's, some of whom I now call friend in a way that transcends our Marine connection, some of whom are in my larger new Marine family of friends.   My life has been enriched by these connections. My world has been opened to a part of American life that while I was not unaware of I did not have much opportunity to come to know.

Because my intensity levels have lowered, my old friends now are interested again in what it is I'm involved in.  I don't send them running away or bore them to tears.  There was a change in my life made by a choice someone else made and it's fascinating.   The different ways of life that I have been exposed to in the last year is mind boggling.   I'm a city girl - born and bred and seriously .. really... had never met people who had chickens, cows, pigs on their farms.   The likelihood of my finding a snake curled up on my porch, a bear crossing my path in the yard were slim to none.  I knew that milk didn't start out in a nice carton or that meat wasn't always pre packaged but had never really met anyone involved in the beginning part of the process.   It's been like taking a cross country trip and seeing it all over again, but with a personal touch.   As most of us, my circle was a reflection of my beliefs, interests, upbringing and politics.   I've now met and become friends with those who share none of that.  My world has been widened even further and it's wonderful!

To those of you just starting your journey , I promise , life will return to normal, just a new normal.  But you will go through hours on end without obsessing.  You will be able to get through a day without tears, you will actually have a conversation about something other then the military and your service member... it seems almost impossible but it comes. As all things, it just takes time.

So thank you all for coming into my life ... Thank you to my Marine for your choice that brought them to me. I look forward to all the eye opening, thought provoking times yet to come with you all !

See no Evil, Hear no Evil.....

I heard the news today oh boy........

Ah the news,  I never realized just how bombarded we are these days by information and 'news' until I started trying to avoid it.  Newspapers, magazines, TV, internet, email accounts, in NYC you can't even have a cab ride without the news flashing on the screen built into the seat back.   It's everywhere you turn.

Yes, I admit it, at one point in time I was a news junkie. I was very well informed on a variety of topics, could hold my own at dinner parties, business functions - just about any social event I found myself at.

Then came boot camp and much to my surprise, and dismay, the news was no longer my friend.   The first time the news of a fallen hero flashed across the screen I was shocked at my reaction.  It was a visceral reaction - not just tears.  The news touched me in a different way.  It was a very real and terrifying moment for me.   It was no longer a face and a name to which I gave a quick thank you in my heart and a sad moment of thought for his/her family.   It affected me down deep in my soul.  Though I didn't know this warrior I knew his family... not personally... but oh yes I knew them.  And I knew him.. again.. not personally but he was the face of everyone of our sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, wives, husbands, fiances, loved one!!   The random nature of how and when and if they can be taken from us was driven home that day.  The unavoidable reality of this can happen to me and you and anyone I care about now hit me like a sledgehammer.   I couldn't shake the funk for a few days, then of course, had a long talk with myself.   I couldn't live in the day to day fear so ... voila ... stop watching the news!

But , can we really sit like the monkeys in that old saying.. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil?   Of course not, though how I wish we can.   Again, the reality of the life we are now living is unavoidable.

Each time I read about a loss of life or a wounded warrior a little piece of my heart breaks.  I feel, on a level that even I sometimes don't understand, for the family that is now left to deal with the loss or the injury.   I am amazed at the strength exhibited by both the family  and the injured.  I am stunned by the depth of commitment when I read about the wounded that are driven by the need to heal so they can get back to their units. I am awestruck by the outpouring of humanity and kindness from strangers.   I look a the videos and pictures of streets lined by people and flags, they are there to let the family know... this was not in vain, it is not taken for granted ... we thank them for their service ... we appreciate the sacrifice.   We pray for safe returns and for peace of mind.

So I try to filter the news that I allow into my world. Am I completely successful? Of course not.

There are news stories that I need to read, there is a larger world out there that I have to be aware of.  There are events that I would be remiss if I didn't follow.  I can't live in happy ignorance.  There are happenings that can effect my Marine as well that I should keep abreast of.  But, well, some days... I'll take a good rerun at 6 Pm, thank you very much, over nightly news.
There is a certain amount of reality that I feel I need to allow in because it is just that - reality. But, for the day to day bombardment - yes I filter.

I do wish that the news we see from Afghanistan also include the effort made to engage the populace.  The stories of education on growing different crops.  The 'good' works that our servicemen and women also do.   But for now,  I search out the small things that bring me joy, that give the world color.  I notice a sunset, a new puppy, how a baby's grin can make it all okay.  I try to fill my life with living, breathing reasons to smile.

For my non military friends... so... no I haven't suddenly become uninformed, ignorant of world news and politics.. I just some weeks.. have to be.  It's mental survival. 

Call it avoidance, call it putting my head in the sand, call it what you will.  I call it living.

Semper this... a Rant

In an earlier posting I discussed the new language we all have to become familiar with.   Well, along with that come the sayings that, for some reason, have been employed to cover all the things that the military throws at us family members.   My rant is Marine specific, only because that's what I am involved with. I'm sure, no make that positive, the same exists in all branches of the service.

So, here we go - my least favorite phrases that are meant to make it all okay.

Semper Gumby-
Your Marine is set to come home for the weekend, has a 4 Pm flight out of an airport an hour away from base.   Was told, a few days prior that they would be dismissed for their 96 at noon on Thursday.  Here we are , Wednesday, and he is told - oh that's only if you're driving.. everyone else has to leave after 3 PM.  The phone rings with your frantic Marine - the airline is charging $50.00, 70.00, 100.00 to change the ticket since there are no written orders.  You are waiting on the best news of all, boots down on USA soil, wait no, civil war breaks out in the country that your Marine is transitioning through on the way home... no idea when he can leave!  You get online and vent to your friends... each and every one replies .. Semper Gumby!

Semper Gumby ?  REALLY  are those 2 words supposed to make it all okay?  I find myself using them as well and cringe when I realize that I too have fallen prey to the mind set of .. always flexible.   Yes, we all know that God laughs when we make plans, but, what no one told us was that the USMC not only laughs... it rolls on the floor hysterically.  I am convinced there is someone sitting at a desk somewhere who's sole purpose is to see how much mayhem they can cause by the last minute changes.   So yes, we learn to live "Semper Gumby",  we bite our tongues when we really want to scream in frustration, we offer up the empty words to friends as some consolation and grit our teeth every time we hear it.   Please, if you see me stomping a poor defenseless green cartoon character, don't judge me, join me!

The needs of the Corps... oh yes .. the all encompassing "needs of the Corps". 
The band aid that seemingly covers all snafus from change in MOS, to change in duty stations, leave, liberty, deployment dates and ... the worst, homecoming dates... anything you thought you knew.. that was written in stone.   News flash .. the Corps uses invisible ink on that stone.   Your Marine enlisted with a job of Intel, going to school in VA, nice and close to your hometown?  Bam .. communications ... 29 Palms, CA .. almost as far as you can get.     Marines, just getting to a unit are told, the unit you're dropping into is deploying soon but YOU 10 wont be as you just got here... 2 days later... you and you, change in plans, saddle up you're coming with us.  WHAT??????   You're at a send off, dealing with the terror and emotions, getting ready to send your Marine off with a smile.  The bus is there, bags staged... wait for it ... here is comes... names are read off ... you 30 are NOT going with us... relief yes. Was it necessary to put us through this for weeks to change at the last possible moment?
Joy to the world - Nice non deployable unit - what do you mean you were voluntold that you're going to TDA to an infantry unit for a deployment?? 
The only answer you are given? The needs of the Corps.   Yes, I understand it, but want to scream whenever I hear it.

And the always loved and most used one of all ... No news is good news... oh yes .. you haven't heard from your recruit in a month?  Not too worry - no news is good news.. Your Fast team Marine is out God knows where doing God knows what...  no communication in weeks?   no news is good news.   OKAY to all of you ... I beg to differ but ... no news is well ... some days just simply no news.

Some other smaller peeves, when talking to a military family friend and they feel the need to give me time in military time.  Meet me at 1300... oh c'mon now, do I really have to start to do addition?  Just say 1:00 .. trust me it will be appreciated.    Good 2 go?  has no place in regular conversation, Roger that ?  just say I understand.. Out?  what ever happened to goodbye?

Now, don't get me wrong, I spout some of the above phrases with alarming regularity.  I offer them up to frantic parents in boot, to worried friends living with a deployment.   I actually believe the best thing we can do is learn to live "Semper Gumby" and the faster we learn the happier we will be.   I completely understand the needs of the Corps will always come first and that no news is usually truly good news.  But, there are days, and today is apparently one of them that I just wish a plan is a plan, a date is a date and the phone rings for everyone with the best news of all, "Hi, I'm fine and I love you".

Carry on...

First Times

They also serve who only stand and wait".  John Milton
It's out there lurking, just under the surface of all thought each day, every day.

Deployment.  The dreaded "D" word.

Most days I can push the the thoughts down, avoid the emotion and get on with life.   Then there are the days where no matter how hard I try it's just an impossible task.

I have several friends who are dealing with the reality this week.  Some can go to send offs, some are too far to get that last hug.   When a friend is struggling with the emotions it's almost impossible for any of us to quiet our thoughts.  To not give in to the fear, the sadness - okay the terror.

We offer our shoulder for them to cry on, our time for them to talk, our arms to hug - our hearts to share the sadness.   Knowing all the while that though it is helpful, it's small comfort and nothing we say or do can ease what they are feeling.

It gets me more so at night, when all is quiet I can't silence the fears by keeping myself busy.  So I haunt the house, I wander some nights room to room.  Getting comfortable no where, nothing can calm my mind.


I know all the rational thoughts; they are trained well for this, they are ready, they are willing and they are able.  But, they are our little boys and girls as well.  The kaleidoscope of a young life tumbles through my mind at night.  All those first times, when they take off on their bicycles, turning the corner and go out of sight.  We see them walking so excitedly off to their very first day of school.  Each first, each new step is a step away and a step towards their growing up.   Firsts, they are a part of life, they are expected and some times even looked forward to.  Now I want to stop the clock yet again, freeze time.  At night it's my nightmare as I try not to see the man in uniform walking away for yet another first.   
  In so many ways this is a burden that is solitary, we can't shoulder it for our friends .  We have to stand by, with tears falling and hope that our thoughts and prayers are enough.  So to all of you - we offer love, friendship and most of all we offer our strength when yours may falter.   For you and your son or daughter - we offer prayers and wait with you for the most wonderful call you'll get  - boots down on USA soil. 
 
That ticker towards homecoming starts TODAY!

Stay strong and stand proud my friends  and know though we may be the silent ranks - you never stand alone

Details, details, we want details!

He doesn't tell me anything! Who hasn't heard or said that before?

   

When speaking to various friends who are wives, girlfriends or moms it seemed to be the recurring theme.  That's not to say they are all tighter then a clam when it comes to communicating, but more often then not.. yep they are. 

 While I was with a group of Marine family friends it was one of the more enlightening moments of the weekend when everyone realized that they were not alone in the dark.  None of their Marines shared details; to some it seemed that even telling what was for breakfast that day was an OpSec violation.

How are you? Fine, how was your day? Fine, What did you do today? Not much.  Then there is the even more maddening response of "I don't know". You don't know?  How the heck can you not know?

Details!!  We want details... we want to know the smallest, most insignificant piece of information.  FINE? what exactly does fine mean?

    

 So... here's what I have discovered, Fine means - the heat is still on in the barracks, even though it's 85 degrees out.  Fine means that they had to stand in formation for 2 hours today; fine means someone failed room inspection and they lost liberty. Fine means that their day, well, is just their day. 

 

 Now- to uncover the details of said day takes some super sleuthing.  When you visit them, take one of their buddies along to dinner.  Listen when they talk to each other.  Their simple conversation reveals the secrets of their day to day. It's as if you don't exist or have suddenly gone deaf as they forget you're there and just talk.  Warning! Do not interrupt the flow and details, precious details, start to surface.  Another good tool, if you are staying at a hotel near a base and see a service member at the pool or in the lobby, strike up a conversation... you'll find out more in a 5 minute conversation with a stranger then in 5 days with your own.

Recently, while in Jacksonville, NC, 2 of my friends struck up a conversation with a young Marine at the pool.   I walked over, okay swam over, and listened to him explain in depth his job, how he trains, and ... brace yourselves... how he feels!   He is talking about feelings??    

After listening for some time I asked a simple question, " How much of this does your Mom know?"  This lovely young Marine smiled at me and said, "Oh I don't tell my Mom anything! She doesn't need to know this she'd worry!".  Now mind you, my 2 friends are both Moms and there he was, opening up and just spilling secrets... but it wasn't HIS Mom so the filter was off.  He was very patient, completely engaged in the conversation.  He was anxious to put their minds at ease by actually explaining things.  We, like travelers lost in the desert and stumbling upon a water hole, greedily lapped up all he had to say.

Of course, there will always be the things they cannot and should not share with us.  As family members we need to learn to discern when "I don't know" really means "I can't say".   This is hard and it's unpleasant but it's also not negotiable.  

Then there are also things that maybe we are better off not knowing.  It's hard to understand the mentality that now governs their lives.  Someone is being 'mean' to our loved one and we want to make it right.   Well, we can't.  It's time to sit back and let them figure it out on their own.  This is their reality, this is their life and we can't fix things.   

  

That's truly the hard part about details, sometimes too much information is as bad as too little.  Be careful what you wish for in a way.. because once you know something you now have to live with the knowledge and in some cases have no where to go with it. 

So tread softly, pull back a little, they want to own this part of their life. 

They also want to protect us from worry, which of course, breeds super worry but they don't get that.   Remember, you are not alone, it is not just your kid being stingy with information.  

And when all else fails, remember the secret, the buddy system, it works!

Are they happy?

But... are they happy?


We had a reunion of sorts in Jacksonville/Camp LeJeune this weekend.   Several Moms, Dads, Aunts, Wives and girlfriends planned a weekend to meet, greet, talk, laugh, cry and deepen our bonds of support.   As most of us had Marines stationed on the base they were included in most of the activities.

For all situations like this there is a takeaway.   I'm going to write more about that later but today is about our Marines. 

As a family member we often hear the daily complaints from our Marines.  We don't usually get to hear that they laughed that day.  I have always had a small concern about this and wonder if the brotherhood/sisterhood we hear about includes having fun.  So much is spoken and written about how it is forged on the drill field or the battle field - in the shared misery.


One of the activities we planned this weekend was a beach barbecue to which all our Marines and their buddies were invited to.  Now, some of them knew each other from boot, MCT or MOS schools, some were in the same permanent units, but for the most part they were strangers to each other. The small fact that their family members were acquainted was tenuous connection at best.   

I watched these young men show up in ones, twos or threes and gravitate towards each other.  There was an almost immediate acceptance - within in the first hour they were laughing, joking, throwing a football, sharing stories.   The brotherhood did exist in the knowledge that, while at different times, they all had gone through the same experience to get where they were.   There was a mutual respect for each other as they knew what each had endured, while the experience might have been slightly different for them individually, in it's entirety it was also the same.  There was an instant commonality that they shared and I realized watching them that while they might have been strangers, they were strangers who viewed each other as brothers - and each was welcomed into the group based on that.

  
 In addition we had the honor of having Mark Klodzinski join us that afternoon.   He is the young man that is walking across the country, Patriot Walk USA, to raise funds for the Warrior Wish Foundation.  They also welcomed him with open arms... he has selflessly taken it upon himself to help their comrades.  They took him under their wing, not for an hour or the afternoon but for the day, evening and the next day as well.   He was walking for them, he was walking for their brothers and there was a respect shown that was unexpected, at least it was from my viewpoint.   I had never thought about how they would react to his quest.   I watched as they said to Mark... Thank You and now what can we do for YOU?   Beer, food, take a day off and we'll take you out to the beach. I listened as they questioned him on his motivation, his plan and his ideas.  I stood in awe when two of them decided his footwear wasn't appropriate for a certain part of his walk and gave him a new pair of boots.   The surprise of the day for me was watching the transformation in these young men that had been your typical 18- 24 year olds...  living the "it's all about me life".   Well they may still show that side to us at home but they live outside of that now.  The question of what can we do for YOU floored me - the gesture of the new boots - well, truth be told, it brought me to tears.   The growth, maturity and unselfish thought process that they exhibited was stunning.   Mostly because we don't get to see that, we don't get to hear that or witness it.

So while we family members were there to deepen in our relationships we were given an unexpected gift. The answer to a question most of us, ( at least not me), hadn't even known we had.  I watched them act as most guys their age would, the Marine mode was dropped and they were again just a bunch of kids at the beach. They smiled, joked, teased and played football, frisbee and beer pong.    As I think most of you will agree, there is nothing better to set your mind at ease then to see your loved one laughing.

Are they happy? At least from my observation - Yes they are



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NC Here we come.............

Woo Hoo ... packing, printing, last minute details ... very busy day here .  Getting ready for the weekend.  A reunion of sorts, a meeting and greeting of new and old friends.   A chance to put a name with a face, to deepen the bonds that in some cases exist only through a facebook or other online connection.  Yes folks, a group of Marine loved ones are descending upon Jacksonville, NC  to laugh, to talk, to share our experience to date and yes, probably to cry a little, but most importantly, to connect.   

I received this in an email this morning from a Marine Mom who I consider to be a good friend -


Well I was asked such a ridiculous question this week....."You are going off with strangers?"...my reply.."No, I am going to be with my buddies" :)

Perfect answer in it's simplicity!!!!!!!  It's so hard to explain the bonds that are formed with others that have traveled the boot camp, combat training, MOS and then finally PDS road with you.   Along the way I've virtually and personally developed relationships,  who have become acquaintances or friends,  all forged in the trenches of surviving the unknown together.    In some cases I have revealed a more vulnerable 'me' with these buddies then with some life long friends.   There is something about sharing the fear or terror... the sadness and the triumph... in an anonymous setting such as online that frees one up to be more honest about their feelings.  Maybe it's in the comfort of realizing that there will be no ridicule, no judgement - you're preaching to the choir.  At one point or another we've all felt it, we all understand it and we know .. we just know.

In the course of time these relationships have widened so that now they also include our non military life, birthdays, promotions, weddings - sharing the day to day of our lives.  Our commonality began with our Marines but has now moved to friendships in every sense of the word. And I can't wait!!!

Some of the woman that I will see this weekend have been in my life now for over a year, we met during boot camp, we saw each other at our first meet and greet and then again at MCT graduation.  Each of our Marines took a different path to get where we are today,  some had long schools, some are infantry, some have deployed and some are gearing up... it's all different yet oddly, all the same.  Luckily a lot of our Marines are stationed at Camp LeJeune, so now we get to meet again, a little over a year later to reinforce and deepen the bonds..   Some that will be there this weekend I have never met in person and am equally excited to see them.   You can never have too many people to turn to in times of joy and distress  and everything in between.   So we'll break out the wine, dance to some music, tell stories that will make us laugh, share care package ideas and meet each others Marines. All the while knowing deep down that we are lucky to have found these buddies.

I can't help but wonder how difficult this was pre - internet, without the ability to search out and meet others walking the path.  I am so glad that I have had this medium and the opportunity to meet some wonderful and interesting people through it.  

This is a weekend to celebrate that ... and be oh so thankful for it as well. 

It's hug a Marine Day May 1st - look out Jacksonville .. here we come !

Loose Lips Sinks Ships

With all of us using social media, blogs, websites etc... I thought is might be useful to remind everyone about OpSec!  I know we all get so excited, or upset, at some of the news our service members tell us. We just want to share it with everyone we know! Homecomings, deployments, training exercises all fall in this category.. it's natural to want to share.  It's hard to pull back when we ask our service member a question and it's answered with " I don't know" .. how can you not know? - aren't you doing it right now?? This is just a reminder of what we as family members should or should not ask or tell. 
   

The Department of Defense can shut down websites, message boards, and support forums for violations of Operational Security.   Let's be sure we are helping keep our Military and their families safe by not violating Operational Security. If in doubt, don't post it. Thanks.

Here's the long and the short of it and a story first posted by the FRO of the 24 MEU-






The Ten OPSEC Points:


Don’t discuss future destinations or ports of call! 

Don't post last names of active military!!

Don’t discuss future operations or missions!

Don’t discuss dates and times of when we will be in port or conducting exercises!

Don’t discuss readiness issues and numbers!

Don’t discuss specific training equipment!

Don’t discuss people’s names and billets in conjunction with operations!

Don’t speculate about future operations!

Don’t spread rumors about operations!

Don’t assume the enemy is not trying to collect information on you so he can kill you, he is!

Be smart, use your head, and always think OPSEC when using email or phone!

* An Example of OPSEC Failure. In early October 2000, “Tom” sent an email to his wife, telling her that he would be in Aden, Yemen for a port call on Tuesday. Tom’s wife then posted this to the web page she’d been maintaining for other family and friends to stay up to date on Tom’s latest deployment. Armed only with Google and some background information he’d collected from Tom’s neighborhood, a terrorist agent figures out that “Tom” is Petty Officer Tom Smith aboard the USS Cole. The terrorist group that the agent works for has been planning an attack using a small boat and explosives. The only problem is that they have limited resources, and are unable to keep a boat laden with explosives on the water for days or weeks at a time. They can only keep it afloat for a day. But now that their agent has provided the date of Tom’s upcoming liberty, they know what day that will be. On Tuesday, the boat is loaded and the terrorists sail around the harbor until the US warship comes in. On 12 October 2000, Al Qaida did just that. The terrorists on the small boat actually waved and smiled at the crew of the USS Cole as they floated in close enough to the ship to detonate their cargo. As a result, 17 sailors were killed and many more injured.

What is OPSEC?

Operations Security, or OPSEC, is keeping potential adversaries from discovering our critical information. As the name suggests, it protects our operations planned, in progress, and those completed. Success depends on secrecy and surprise, so the military can accomplish the mission faster and with less risk. Our adversaries want our information, and they don't concentrate on only sailors to get it. They want you, the family member.

Protecting Critical Information

Even though information may not be secret, it can be what we call critical information. Critical information deals with specific facts about military intentions, capabilities, operations or activities. If an adversary knew this detailed information, our mission accomplishment and personnel safety could be jeopardized. It must be protected to ensure an adversary doesn't gain a significant advantage. By being a member of the military family, you! u will often know some bits of critical information. Do not discuss them outside of your immediate family and especially not over the telephone.

Examples Of Critical Information

Detailed information about the mission of assigned units.
Details on locations and times of unit deployments.
Personnel transactions that occur in large numbers (Example: pay information, powers of attorney, wills, deployment information).
References to trends in unit morale or personnel problems.
Details concerning security procedures.

Puzzle Pieces

These bits of information may seem insignificant. However, to a trained adversary, they are small pieces of a puzzle that highlight what were doing and planning. Remember, the elements of security and surprise are vital to the accomplishment of our goals and our collective personnel protection.

Where and how you discuss this information is just as important as with whom you discuss it. Adverse agents tasked with collecting information frequently visit some of the same stores, clubs, recreational areas, or places of worship as you do.
Determined individuals can easily collect data from cordless and cellular phones, and even baby monitors, using inexpensive receivers available from local electronics stores.
If anyone, especially a foreign national, persistently seeks information, notify your military sponsor immediately. He or she will notify the unit OPSEC program manager.

What Can You Do?

There are many countries and organizations that would like to harm Americans and degrade our influence in the world. It's possible, and not unprecedented, for spouses and family members of U.S. military personnel to be targeted for intelligence collection. This is true in the United States and especially true overseas! What can you do?

Be Alert

Foreign governments and organizations collect significant amounts of useful information by using spies. A foreign agent may use a variety of approaches to befriend someone and get sensitive information. This sensitive information can be critical to the success of a terrorist or spy, and consequently deadly to Americans.

Be Careful

There may be times when your spouse cannot talk about the specifics of his or her job. It's very important to conceal and protect certain information such as flight schedules, ship movements, temporary duty (TDY) locations, and installation activities, for example. Something as simple as a phone discussion about where your spouse is deploying, or going TDY, can be very useful to our enemies.

OPSEC IS A FAMILY AFFAIR - DISCUSS OPSEC WITH YOUR FAMILY

All Family Members Are Part Of The Military OPSEC Team. They Need To Protect Information To Ensure The Safety Of All Our Soldiers, Sailors, Airman, Coast Guards, Civilians, And their Families.

You Are A Vital Player In Our Success!

As a family member of our military community, you are a vital player in our success, and we couldn't do our job without your support. You may not know it, but you also play a crucial role in ensuring your loved one safety. You can protect your family and friends by protecting what you know of the military day-to-day operations. That's OPSEC

Rainy Day's and Monday's

a less then stellar day - oh .. don't get me wrong, life is good.. me not so much.   It's never a good sign when the day starts off by crying in the shower.  What set me off you might ask ?   It's nothing tangible, it's nothing concrete, it just is the weight, the knowledge, the truth of loving someone in the military.  Most days I can wind my way through, seemingly without a care in the world, then there are THOSE days.. you all know, we all have them.

Was it a dream..  a careless remark by a friend in passing... or something as simple as too many people inquiring about my Marine nephew?   Is it my empathy for a fellow military loved one who's having a tough time?  Maybe it's just Monday.

More then likely it's just that today I don't want to be strong, today I don't want to make believe he's just on a camping trip, today I can't push the knowledge of an impending deployment away.    No .. today I just want to give in.  So I do... just for today.  I look at it as a chance to recharge the core that I depend on for my strength the rest of the days.  So I cry, I watch all those youtube videos that I know I shouldn't, I allow myself the luxury of emotion.

Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will be strong.. tomorrow I'll help out someone else having a "day".. but today.. hmm today I'll just let happen.

You've Got a Friend

"They also serve who only stand and wait".  John Milton
 

I've become a little self conscious, long time friends were not taking my calls,  I would join a group of people and those in the group would drift away one by one.  Maybe it's my perfume or shampoo?  No and no... it's my new obsession.  I can't seem to get through a conversation without mentioning the armed forces in general, the USMC in particular. 

If you've experienced the above, not to worry it's not terminal, it's not your perfume.. it's called having a loved one in the armed services.  And yes!  there is a support group for it, we don't have 12 steps to over come it but have faith .. usually 4 or 5 years will do the trick.

When my nephew uttered those words, "I've enlisted" I needed to talk .. and question and talk.  Not to him but to someone, anyone who had also heard those same words at some point.  Where to turn?  It became very clear, very quickly that no one I knew had any experience with this.  Not a friend or relative who could relate with the exception of my sister and well .. she was as brand new to this as I was.

I am one of those people that need information to be calm, I need to talk an issue to death, if need be, to be satisfied.   I also am very social, with a large circle of friends with a vast and varied amount of interests and experience - yet I was alone!  I was flying solo and feeling a bit isolated.  No one understood. Oh they could try but you know it's bad when you're standing in the mall and a song comes over the music system, tears just start to stream and everyone you're with looks anywhere but at you.   Friends would offer an ear but it became obvious fairly quickly that they couldn't fully comprehend the fear, the questions and the overwhelming need to be around those who 'got it'.

I was lucky and found an outlet online.  I had my questions answered, I was able say, "I got a letter today and cried at the sight of his name on the return address," and have people understand immediately what that meant.  I was no longer navigating this sea of confusion alone!  No need for long explanations - just say a few words and someone online had a similar experience, a shoulder to lean on or a sympathetic ear.  I had found another circle of friends.

All of these friendships began online, some have moved to off line, real life friendships.  It's facebook, usmc or parrisisland.yuku.com, it's a Marine Moms and Others monthly luncheon.   Are all of these people who's lives are now intersected with mine friends?  No, some I have nothing in common with outside of this shared experience of having a family member in the military.  Others would be my friend even outside of the military bond.  But all are there for me and for you - we offer each other the simplest form of friendship  - understanding forged in shared experience.  No questions, no evaluations, no judgement, just support.   We get the boot camp terror, we celebrate graduation, we cry for each word of deployment news, we CHEER homecomings.. WE GET IT!!!!!   I've found another family and it's not unlike my real family because at the very foundation it's based on understanding and love.  What can be better than that?

For me I've found one of the best, and easiest, ways to enlarge this circle is to get involved with a local charity - I've volunteered with The Wounded Warrior Foundation, Hope for the Warriors and the USO.  I send care packages, I participate in SFS events, I chat on facebook.   It works for me, it eases the feeling of being alone.   The more I get involved, the less my other friends run away, its a win win!  I have somewhere to talk about the military world and can now just deal with life's ups and downs with my old friends.  No one glazes over when I wander into a conversation.. I'm no longer going to obsess out loud.. I have an outlet!

There are so many groups out there that can use our help.  Search on google, if there are none.. start up a monthly group yourself, I bet there is one person living within a reasonable distance of you that can use the friendship.  There is probably a group close by that does a care package project - go join in the pack!!

Volunteer your time, there are organizations that can use the help... our family member volunteered, so honor their commitment by giving some of your time.  It ends up being a gift you give yourself, you help out and find that you've gained something in return - a new friend and that warm fuzzy feeling we all can use now and again.


Organize a lunch or a weekend.   I'm meeting some facebook friends and reuniting with my boot camp family next week in Jacksonville, NC.  Can't wait for the fun .. and a chance to either renew those bonds or make new ones.  If you're in the area, leave a note below, come out and join us!

 join the family - we're waiting! But know.. we might be the "Silent Ranks" but we are far from quiet.  For MY Marine Corps family of friends... I don't know what I would do without you!  


My group of online friends are doing a retreat of sorts which encompasses all branches of the military... We laugh, we cry, we learn... we revel in friendship and understanding. Heck it's not really that serious - we laugh a LOT.  We're our own 12 step group. come on down in October and join in the fun - 
SFS.BeachBlast@gmail.com for details.  You're not alone and don't ever feel that you are. 

So here are some suggestions to search - leave a comment if there is a group in your area that you would like added or just to share your experience -

Semper Fi Sisters - semperfisisters.com or visit on Facebook Semper Fi Sisters

Blue Star Mothers

The USO

Hope for the Warriors

Support Our Marines, Inc.

Soldiers Angels

Alphabet Soup aka the wonderful world of military acronyms

PI, AWF, PFT, IT, PT, MOS, IST, MCT, PDS, FRO, PUMP, SITFU, FEX, FOB, FLEET, CI, DI, OPSEC, POG, GRUNT, FLOAT, HOP, OORAH, YUT, SEMPER GUMBY


  O M G how did poor Gumby get dragged into this?

 WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

This all came to mind recently when I was having a conversation with a parent of a fairly new recruit at Parris Island.  She asked me to help her interpret a letter she had received. 

Upon arrival we were issued go fasters, moon beams, and deserts.  We also went to the 7 day and I bought my hygiene items, writing gear and ink sticks.  Chow to chow is the only way I can figure out what time of day it is.  We received Knowledge from our Knowledge Hat, were given pit time from our Kill Hat and then in the afternoon had  Big Daddy time.  By the time I hit the rack I'm exhausted - it feels like LIGHTS LIGHTS LIGHTS comes in 5 minutes.   

How many of us have been there?  Received a letter and wondered what is wrong with my recruit? What is a moonbeam and why would a USMC recruit be in need of one?   Oh good ... go fasters... maybe they roller skate to get from point A to point B quickly!!    

 

  A year or so ago, when I found myself in a situation not unlike the one above, I panicked.  In my boot camp insanity I became convinced this was some diabolical plot to further cement that our recruits have indeed entered another world.  Now I can no longer communicate with my Marine!  Of course this state of affairs was simply not acceptable.  Unwilling to accept defeat I went into my trusty boot camp message board. There I began to read anything and everything posted which caused even further confusion.  Realizing the situation was more dire then I had originally thought I took a huge step... clicked on the chat room and entered for the first time.  Shy, and a bit out of my element, for days I would visit and watch the sentences fly by as if in another language... well wait ... it is another language! It even has name - MarineSpeak!!!!!!!

Finally I couldn't take it any longer, hesitantly I asked, "Can someone please tell me - what's a KILL HAT? Where in the world is 29 Stumps... ???"  and so my education began.   

With the help of my beloved and revered mentors I slowly learned MarineSpeak.  Despite feeling quite unsure of myself,  and I admit a wee bit silly, I never the less started to test my new language skills in the chat room.  To my surprise I was understood, no one laughed, I wasn't treated as an impostor! Success was mine I had conquered the basics!  Now time for the real test, I began to use my new skills in my letters to boot camp.  I was excited !!  I could talk to him in his language, oh how proud he would be that I 'got it'. 

note - no they do not always like when we speak MarineSpeak.  It's like learning the secret handshake or password to their childhood fort .  What muddies the waters though is they appreciate we take the time to understand it 

  This had both a good and bad result.  Have you ever said to someone Hola and then they proceeded to chatter at you in Spanish?  Well that's pretty much what happened during boot leave after I asked, innocently, "What's your MOS?"  Yes friends, I received a full out answer to my question, which also included numbers, and very little of which I understood.  Deflation and confusion threatened but NO I will not quit!!  Okay, so now why use words when we have #'s.  Deep calming breath, where's my laptop?  Apparently all I had mastered was MarineSpeak101 and it was time for the next level.
  While I speak to my Marine family friends in this abbreviated language with ease I've learned something very important.   I've found that the habit of shortening words does not translate well when speaking with non Military friends.  So beware when you feel the need to tell them you are LOL while SMH... seriously... trust me on this ... it is not a good way to go. Take the time, slow it down!  Saying I was laughing out loud while shaking my head will earn you an understanding nod instead of the blank stare which says that you've finally gone over the edge. 

For all you newbies out there, relax, check out a link below, you'll learn.  

What I have found is that the education is never ending, with each new phase comes another layer of words/slang/acronyms that I need to master.  I truly believe though that our Marines invent new words to keep us guessing - it's their language, it's a secret and just when we think we catch on we're thrown a curve ball.
Which brings me to my real question - FOBBIT !?!?  maybe I'm living in a Tolkien fantasy? Fobbit ?!?!  really? 

Sigh...  and the education continues.  

Hotel Alpha Victor Echo  Alpha  Golf Oscar Oscar Delta  Delta Alpha Yankee

 

Marines

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_Marine_Corps_acronyms_and_expressions

http://www.marcorsyscom.usmc.mil/aboutus/acronyms.aspx

http://4mermarine.com/USMC/dictionary/a.html

  
Army 

http://www.acronymslist.com/cat/us-army-acronyms-%28official%29.html

http://www.acronymslist.com/cat/us-army-acronyms-%28slang%29.html

http://www.all-acronyms.com/tag/army


 Military


http://www.fas.org/news/reference/lexicon/acronym.htm

http://www.globemaster.de/html/dictionary.html


http://usmilitary.about.com/od/theorderlyroom/a/alphabet.htm

Navy

https://portal.navfac.navy.mil/portal/page/portal/navfac/acronyms/abc_tb


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Navy_acronyms
 

Air Force

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Air_Force_acronyms_and_expressions
http://www.fas.org/irp/doddir/usaf/afdd1-2.pdf

Coast Guard

http://a091.uscgaux.info/docs/AcronymsList.pdf


http://www.coastguardfamily.org/acronyms.htm

Information is Key

    Today is all about information.  For me the most unsettling and upsetting part of enlistment was my complete and total lack of knowledge.   Thankfully, we live in the information age and a plethora of just that was a key stroke away - or so I thought.   Connecting with others and finding real information is not as easy as I had first imagined it would be.  After poring through pages and searches, which led to other searches and other pages,  I stumbled upon a link that saved my sanity.  www.parrisisland.yuku.com   All things Marine boot camp, answers, chat rooms and a connection with others who were either going through this along side me or had been there before.  I wouldn't say that this completely eased the stress but it did lower my levels to a manageable point.

    For parents it's sending your baby who you've been watching as closely as a hawk, into the great unknown.  For wives, husbands, girl friends/boy friends - you are having someone leave that should be, according to most in society, staying by your side.   For us extended family members it's a little different but no less upsetting.   For all but the spouse/partners it's the child/nephew/niece that you've been carefully sheltering from danger going off, willingly, into harms way.   In this day and age we can talk to them, text them, GPS their phones to find them and contact them at any given moment and now they are going off into what feels like a big black hole.

   What will they be doing? How will they be feeling? What... Why... How.... Where....

    I found my answers - hopefully some of the links below will help you find yours !


All Branches

http://www.allmilitary.com/board/

http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individual.asp?gid=273

Marine Corps

 

www.parrisisland.yuku.com    all things boot camp related

www.usmc.yuku.com          combat school and beyond

Army 

http://www.armybasic.org/portal/index.php

http://forums.military.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/2681962206/m/1241902096/p/44

http://www.marriedtothearmy.com

Air Force


http://www.militarymoms.net/airforcebasic.html

Navy

http://www.navy.com/messageboard/index.jspa

http://www.navy4moms.com

Coast Guard

http://www.uscg.org/?uscg-forum=*http://www.uscg.org/forum/

http://www.coastguardfamily.org


If anyone has other sites or message boards that they find useful, please, leave it for me in the comments and I will add to the list above.

Suggested Reading -

Hey Mom! I Joined the Marines!: They May Have Enlisted, but We Were Drafted by Teri A. Laughery (Paperback - Oct. 26, 2009)

Into The Crucible: Making Marines for the 21st Century 

Keeping Faith: A Father-Son Story About Love and the U.S. Marine Corps 

An Army ABC Book 
Separated By Duty, United In Love (revised): Guide to Long Distance Relationships for Military Couples (Updated)