First Times

They also serve who only stand and wait".  John Milton
It's out there lurking, just under the surface of all thought each day, every day.

Deployment.  The dreaded "D" word.

Most days I can push the the thoughts down, avoid the emotion and get on with life.   Then there are the days where no matter how hard I try it's just an impossible task.

I have several friends who are dealing with the reality this week.  Some can go to send offs, some are too far to get that last hug.   When a friend is struggling with the emotions it's almost impossible for any of us to quiet our thoughts.  To not give in to the fear, the sadness - okay the terror.

We offer our shoulder for them to cry on, our time for them to talk, our arms to hug - our hearts to share the sadness.   Knowing all the while that though it is helpful, it's small comfort and nothing we say or do can ease what they are feeling.

It gets me more so at night, when all is quiet I can't silence the fears by keeping myself busy.  So I haunt the house, I wander some nights room to room.  Getting comfortable no where, nothing can calm my mind.


I know all the rational thoughts; they are trained well for this, they are ready, they are willing and they are able.  But, they are our little boys and girls as well.  The kaleidoscope of a young life tumbles through my mind at night.  All those first times, when they take off on their bicycles, turning the corner and go out of sight.  We see them walking so excitedly off to their very first day of school.  Each first, each new step is a step away and a step towards their growing up.   Firsts, they are a part of life, they are expected and some times even looked forward to.  Now I want to stop the clock yet again, freeze time.  At night it's my nightmare as I try not to see the man in uniform walking away for yet another first.   
  In so many ways this is a burden that is solitary, we can't shoulder it for our friends .  We have to stand by, with tears falling and hope that our thoughts and prayers are enough.  So to all of you - we offer love, friendship and most of all we offer our strength when yours may falter.   For you and your son or daughter - we offer prayers and wait with you for the most wonderful call you'll get  - boots down on USA soil. 
 
That ticker towards homecoming starts TODAY!

Stay strong and stand proud my friends  and know though we may be the silent ranks - you never stand alone