Well Hello Again!

WOW - It's been quite a while and a lot of miles since my last entry here.   I could make all the usual excuses .. life got in the way... business got busy... dealing with the realities of loving someone in the military got me down.  While all of that may be true the honest answer is I forgot my sign on information!  Yes, lost the spreadsheet with all my information and well.. there you have it.   Trust me it's not for lack of things to blog about!   There have been many, many occasions over the last 2 years that I've said, " oh do I need to write in my blog about this!".   So while I couldn't share it with you at the time, I have been typing away and saving documents for the day that I could again share my opinions and thoughts, in addition to resources and information, with you all.  

There's been a lot of changes among my network of Military friends, many who had active duty are now family members of Veterans!  We have lost some of our Heroes as well as added to the ranks of Wounded Warriors.  Lots of tears and amazement at the strength of the family members and service members dealing with this first hand.    All the while, filling in behind us are new family members - all shiny and bright eyed- and I think a bit stunned by some of the cynical or jaded advice they are given.   It's hard to remember way back then, when we had no idea what was coming,  all we knew was the pride of having our loved one enlist in one of the branches of the military.  The pride is still there but the reality is as well.  It's really hard some days to care about not getting a letter from boot camp or basic,  worrying about losing one hot meal a day ( hey some of us remember when there were NO hot meals a day ),  and GASP! the best way to daily facetime/skype/message with a deployed loved one.  While I think its great I still can't quite wrap my head around that one. 

So get ready folks,  there will be some informative posts, some ranting posts, some reflective posts and through it all hope to keep my sense of humor intact.   

So glad to be back ! 

Too much advice, not enough information?

Sept. 18, 2011

Back when I first began this blog I wrote an entry Information is Key.  As I go deeper into this journey of being a family member of a serviceman I find this to still be true.  Now, however, I also have found that the SOURCE of the information is crucial.   Sure, there are people out there ready, willing and able to jump in and give advice. There is a major difference between information and advice.  Information should be based on clearly defined and verifiable sources.  It’s not to state what did happen but what should happen – based on a rule, regulation, order etc.  The problem is that  advice is usually based on their experience, which, in most cases translates to what their enlisted family member experienced.   

I can't be the only one noticing that Face book has groups popping up each day it seems.  Some are great but a lot are like the blind leading the blind when it comes to information and that's a little concerning. 

Now, I’m not saying sharing what happened with your Marine isn’t right or shouldn’t happen.  On the contrary, I think it’s great that people get to see the vast differences in how the USMC is experienced by various Marines.  Even something so simple as boot camp, simple in there is a clear training manual, clear rules and regulations followed by Drill Instructors and their command, yet it’s different for each recruit.  Their perception is different, their recollections may be inflated, (after all, we all know recruits never lie in letters).   One may have a horrible time of it, someone else seemingly breezes through.  Some have DI’s that are all business, some bend the rules a bit.   ALL these differences affect how a recruit will experience boot.  Yet most people, when asked a simple question – can my recruit have protein bars -  will NOT answer; it depends on the Drill instructor, do not send until your recruit requests it.  Nope, there will be a score of following posts, I sent my son a package each week – no problem,  I sent 800 bars no problem. I baked cookies - they loved them!   I sent without his asking – he had to eat them all / I sent without asking and nothing happened  blah blah blah.  Yes, that’s all probably true but the information is what the poster is seeking NOT the advice.  Give the info and let the poster decide what to do at that point. 

It gets more complicated as the Marine goes on, nothing is the same after boot for each one, ITB/MCT/MOS – again there is no same answer for each Marine as to how to expect the path to go.   It’s ever changing, fluid and, especially once they hit the fleet, sometimes dependent on what kind of Marine they are.  The Fleet especially has its own unique way of doing things unit to unit. Then there is taking into account how each BC manages his troops.  Life in the air wing is totally different from life on the groundside.   Logistics Marines will have a completely different time of it than Postal Clerk Marines,  PAO  a world away from Infantry.  

Through all of it though there are certain rules/regs that are consistent.  How to request leave ( how often it’s granted will vary wildly unit to unit).  How notifications are made, field day, drug issues, promotions (even though some MOS’ are notorious for very slow promotions due to cutting scores).  

I’ve learned to participate in the support but when it comes to when I need info I go to the inner circle.  Trust your sources, cultivate those that you know did their due diligence - that are telling you what should be. Read, there is a tremendous amount of information available online.  Research, ask questions, but examine the answers – though it may sound great to hear – Oh , LOL I did that and nothing happened, don’t put your Marine in the position of possibly having to answer for something you did because you received incorrect information.

When it comes to deployments what can or can’t be done is most definitely a unit to unit thing.  Each unit’s location and job will dictate what they can or can’t do or have on a deployment.  If the question is, I haven’t heard from my Marine in 3 days, should I worry.  The answer isn’t YES; I hear from mine every day;  the answer is a question – what job does your Marine have and is his location built up or have no amenities?   A Marine at Leatherneck has much more communication then someone out on an outpost depending on a satellite phone.   Same thing for care packages, needs are totally different.  This is where Family Readiness should be your go to for real information.    Sure ask for care package advice from all your online friends, but think about the locale before sending certain items – no matter how wonderful they sound!

I cherish my circle of support and I wouldn’t know what to do without them.  I had wonderful mentors who I listened to, realizing my 13 weeks of boot camp did not make me an expert it just made me an expert on his 13 weeks of boot camp.  I listened, I read, I asked questions, if given the opportunity I most certainly peppered a few SNCO’s  who, when realizing I was really interested and why , I write a blog for family members, were more then happy to talk to me. 

So find your way, surround yourself with support but filter the information. There are unit pages on line, there are support boards staffed by very knowledgeable people - try not to limit your source to be " I read it on face book so it MUST be true" :-) 

www.usmc.yuku.com
www.parrisisland.yuku.com

Marine Family Networks website

Rounding third....

and heading for home it's a brown, blue, green eyed handsome maaaaaannnnnn ( or woman ). 

There are few moments of sheer, unadulterated joy when part of a military family.   One is the day of boot camp graduation, the other the end of a deployment.    Both seem to make me want to dance.. and sing ... oh yes, that old song in the heart that just needs to come out...

One day you peek at your Donut of Misery and can't quite believe what it says... can it be ?  Time flashes back to the first day you install it, then open it up and bummer it says 0% gone and a loooooooong way to go to the end.   Personally, I treat it like a scale while on a diet, I don't look every day, there's little movement and that's a bit depressing.  The one day, magically there's a lot more time gone then there is to go!   A little increase in heart rate and a slight weight lifts off.   I say slight because there is a whole 'nother level of anxiety associated with the waning month(s) of a deployment.  The fear is palpable, the stress almost unbearable.  You want to believe that it's almost done, they are almost safe but ... well until all they are standing in front of you it's still hard to take that full deep breath.   Sleep becomes even more fitful.  Wait now, isn't this supposed to be the good time?!?

A week or so passes and a check list is started, a stop mail date is given, a foot locker magically appears, covered in dust and locked but you know someone you love has touched it.  Other's in your unit start to get more chatty, nervous talk but the need to talk is overwhelming.  No one wants to speak the fear out loud, you feel the excitement building but it's a cautionary optimism.    Which quite frankly pisses me off.   I want to jump up and down, I want to scream out IT'S ALMOST OVER! But, nope ... it's still said in whispers, daring to put it out into the universe is tempting fate in a way.  So, inside, deep inside the flutters begin. 
More items checked off, it's getting harder to contain the feelings, then oh happy happy day, a window!  Who cares if it's vague and 3 weeks wide... it's real, unavoidable proof that there is an end to this period of time.   Things start to move, plans start to be made and of course, the inevitable food requests start to come in.   

 Oh to be in Carolinaaaaaaaaaa.....

I digress but it's so funny to me that food is an underlying current to all they do and seemingly is how we can start to mark the end of different periods of time.   Boot camp letters start to be solely about what they want, when they want it and how much they will eat of it.   Deployment calls, emails and chats are all about - what I want and what to have waiting in the cooler for them.   You start to also sense the excitement of coming home building 'over there'.   Ends of chats are not talk to you soon, they are a bit more definite, see you soon, see you in a month, 3 weeks, a week, SOON!!!
Over here things feel lighter, they start to take on brighter colors, laughs come a bit easier.   3 week block hotel reservations are made, ( those poor hotel reservation people, they do put up with a lot !),  cell phone #'s are exchanged. 
All of a sudden there are very few items left on that old check list.   The date window shortens,  a frenzy of phone calls,  daily stalking of the hot line begin.  Rumors, oh what would the USMC be without rumors, start - I heard they are coming home on X, well I heard XX , nope I'm sure it's XXX.   Dates go out and emails come back, you are wrong, where are you getting these dates? My LCpl says it's X  -  well sorry ma'am but the Sgt Major gave us these dates I'll be happy to pass on that he's wrong though.   Semper Gumby makes his inevitable appearance, dates start to shift and change daily,  normally calm people start to get a little bit testy.  WAIT , this is happy time no?  Apparently not yet. 

Where else could an end to something be so happy? Where else do you get ONE day to breath, one day to just say oh yeah, this is a good day?   The minute they get on that bus to leave we start the homecoming countdown, now it seems that the minute they step off that bus we start to wonder, how long will we have them for this time? How long before they ship out again?   

So enjoy that day of joy, they are far and few between, but when they are here, it is real, it is intense and it is a moment to treasure. 

But that one day, it's time to sing... so let's hear it for the boys... let's give those boys a hand........

I'm waiting.......

So here I sit, late night once again.  Oh but this time it's different.  This time it's more like when I was a kid and told I was going on a really good vacation - when ? .. soon... where?.. somewhere great.... but when??    When you are little anything other then tomorrow is akin to forever and right now, I've got a foot in tomorrow and the other in forever.

That's sort of how the dog days of a deployment feel.  I know something wonderful is coming, I know I'm really going to like it, the excitement is building but... when ?   I can finally say soon -not too soon but there is definitely more behind then there is ahead.

This Semper Gumby stuff sure gets old quick though.  Yeah, yeah, I understand the reasons for the lack of information, heck I preach it to people myself.  Which by the way is not easy to do - spout the words when you really want to say yeah this stinks.. well no actually it sucks.   A clue maybe?  A hint would be awesome... the rumors are swirling. It's difficult to listen to all the scuttlebutt and not give it some credence.  I know better, but, when you are hearing whispers of what you want to hear .. well then you just want to believe.

All the preparations are starting, the planning, the organizing and the buzzing of anticipation - anything to make time pass.  Then reality sets in and I say, but wait, don't get ahead of yourself.  So much can change, so much can happen and it makes me mad.   Yes I said it, it makes me MAD that even a little joy is tempered with cold water baths of reality.   I think that's the hardest part, not being able to allow ourselves the luxury of just screaming out  Yeah Baby we're almost there.

I'm worn out - weary of cheer leading, of  being cautious in my words, of pushing down the feelings in order to pick up those who really need it.  I'm just tired in general.  I want to skip, give myself permission to enjoy the coming end.  Again, like that little kid I wake up each day and say ... today?  Will I know more today?

In the not too distant future it will be the day - the news will be released, the word passed and I will have the honor of being among those passing that word.  In doing so, I will also have the wonderful feeling of knowing I am part of making others wait come to an end;  of bringing happiness to them by answering the question YES Today is the day!   Make plans, make reservations, get in your car and drive... They are coming home ... Yes Today is the day!

Until then - stay safe, know you're loved, know you're missed, know we are waiting

Alphabet Soup aka the wonderful world of military acronyms

PI, AWF, PFT, IT, PT, MOS, IST, MCT, PDS, FRO, PUMP, SITFU, FEX, FOB, FLEET, CI, DI, OPSEC, POG, GRUNT, FLOAT, HOP, OORAH, YUT, SEMPER GUMBY


  O M G how did poor Gumby get dragged into this?

 WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

This all came to mind recently when I was having a conversation with a parent of a fairly new recruit at Parris Island.  She asked me to help her interpret a letter she had received. 

Upon arrival we were issued go fasters, moon beams, and deserts.  We also went to the 7 day and I bought my hygiene items, writing gear and ink sticks.  Chow to chow is the only way I can figure out what time of day it is.  We received Knowledge from our Knowledge Hat, were given pit time from our Kill Hat and then in the afternoon had  Big Daddy time.  By the time I hit the rack I'm exhausted - it feels like LIGHTS LIGHTS LIGHTS comes in 5 minutes.   

How many of us have been there?  Received a letter and wondered what is wrong with my recruit? What is a moonbeam and why would a USMC recruit be in need of one?   Oh good ... go fasters... maybe they roller skate to get from point A to point B quickly!!    

 

  A year or so ago, when I found myself in a situation not unlike the one above, I panicked.  In my boot camp insanity I became convinced this was some diabolical plot to further cement that our recruits have indeed entered another world.  Now I can no longer communicate with my Marine!  Of course this state of affairs was simply not acceptable.  Unwilling to accept defeat I went into my trusty boot camp message board. There I began to read anything and everything posted which caused even further confusion.  Realizing the situation was more dire then I had originally thought I took a huge step... clicked on the chat room and entered for the first time.  Shy, and a bit out of my element, for days I would visit and watch the sentences fly by as if in another language... well wait ... it is another language! It even has name - MarineSpeak!!!!!!!

Finally I couldn't take it any longer, hesitantly I asked, "Can someone please tell me - what's a KILL HAT? Where in the world is 29 Stumps... ???"  and so my education began.   

With the help of my beloved and revered mentors I slowly learned MarineSpeak.  Despite feeling quite unsure of myself,  and I admit a wee bit silly, I never the less started to test my new language skills in the chat room.  To my surprise I was understood, no one laughed, I wasn't treated as an impostor! Success was mine I had conquered the basics!  Now time for the real test, I began to use my new skills in my letters to boot camp.  I was excited !!  I could talk to him in his language, oh how proud he would be that I 'got it'. 

note - no they do not always like when we speak MarineSpeak.  It's like learning the secret handshake or password to their childhood fort .  What muddies the waters though is they appreciate we take the time to understand it 

  This had both a good and bad result.  Have you ever said to someone Hola and then they proceeded to chatter at you in Spanish?  Well that's pretty much what happened during boot leave after I asked, innocently, "What's your MOS?"  Yes friends, I received a full out answer to my question, which also included numbers, and very little of which I understood.  Deflation and confusion threatened but NO I will not quit!!  Okay, so now why use words when we have #'s.  Deep calming breath, where's my laptop?  Apparently all I had mastered was MarineSpeak101 and it was time for the next level.
  While I speak to my Marine family friends in this abbreviated language with ease I've learned something very important.   I've found that the habit of shortening words does not translate well when speaking with non Military friends.  So beware when you feel the need to tell them you are LOL while SMH... seriously... trust me on this ... it is not a good way to go. Take the time, slow it down!  Saying I was laughing out loud while shaking my head will earn you an understanding nod instead of the blank stare which says that you've finally gone over the edge. 

For all you newbies out there, relax, check out a link below, you'll learn.  

What I have found is that the education is never ending, with each new phase comes another layer of words/slang/acronyms that I need to master.  I truly believe though that our Marines invent new words to keep us guessing - it's their language, it's a secret and just when we think we catch on we're thrown a curve ball.
Which brings me to my real question - FOBBIT !?!?  maybe I'm living in a Tolkien fantasy? Fobbit ?!?!  really? 

Sigh...  and the education continues.  

Hotel Alpha Victor Echo  Alpha  Golf Oscar Oscar Delta  Delta Alpha Yankee

 

Marines

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_Marine_Corps_acronyms_and_expressions

http://www.marcorsyscom.usmc.mil/aboutus/acronyms.aspx

http://4mermarine.com/USMC/dictionary/a.html

  
Army 

http://www.acronymslist.com/cat/us-army-acronyms-%28official%29.html

http://www.acronymslist.com/cat/us-army-acronyms-%28slang%29.html

http://www.all-acronyms.com/tag/army


 Military


http://www.fas.org/news/reference/lexicon/acronym.htm

http://www.globemaster.de/html/dictionary.html


http://usmilitary.about.com/od/theorderlyroom/a/alphabet.htm

Navy

https://portal.navfac.navy.mil/portal/page/portal/navfac/acronyms/abc_tb


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Navy_acronyms
 

Air Force

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Air_Force_acronyms_and_expressions
http://www.fas.org/irp/doddir/usaf/afdd1-2.pdf

Coast Guard

http://a091.uscgaux.info/docs/AcronymsList.pdf


http://www.coastguardfamily.org/acronyms.htm

Tick Tock goes the Clock

Time .. minutes, days, weeks, months, years - they take on a new meaning when you have someone in the military.

Oh don' t get me wrong, in our regular everyday, ( read pre-military ), lives there are plenty of times when time and the calendar play a large role. We mark meetings, birthdays, vacations, special events and go on about our business. What I have found, post enlistment, for me, time has become a living breathing entity that has a constant presence. Time is both my friend and my enemy, sometimes at the same time!

It's as if there were suddenly all these tickers clicking simultaneously in my head. First, the countdown to his shipping off to boot camp... 3 months .. everything seems to be focused on that 3 months left.

Ship day comes and another clock starts - 13 weeks of boot camp, and the realization that there is another much larger ticker -the one that marks the end of his first active duty enlistment.. that's the big ticker that is on all the time running in the background. It's silent, but it's there.

Of course when the boot camp ticker starts, we move onto the marking off on the calendar of the weeks .. then days left in boot camp (another topic that will be written about in depth by the way). During boot there was the weekly letter ticker - Thursdays were a favorite day around here ! While this is happening we follow the training matrix as if it holds the answer to eternal youth. A week to rifle qualification, the gas chamber, the final written test, final PFT and the biggie .. gulp.. the Crucible.. a long 54 hour wait for anyone with a recruit in Marine Corp boot camp. Then the longest and shortest week - the one leading to graduation... a week, then day countdown. We get to see him.. and hug him.. and take him home .. hooray!

While we celebrate the day we've been waiting for, graduation from boot camp, we can't help but start thinking about .. only 10 days.. he leaves again in 10 days.. so there is a whisper in the background - Tick Tock.

The 10 days end and as if by magic.. here's comes that clock again - 29 days .. we have 29 days until we see and speak to him again. 30, 20, 10 single digits YAY.
now it's days to spend with him before the next ticker starts - how to enjoy the hours without the clock intruding? it's a balancing act.

On to school... again... tick tock ... how long until graduation this time? 9 months .. another big hooray.. time is now my friend. 9 months he's still safe, 9 months we can breath, 9 more months we can sleep. Though slowly the dark clock is starting to buzz.. the deployment clock.. 9 months until he heads to the operating forces.. 9 months until the reality of his being a Marine hits.. 9 months. During the 9 months were the little tickers.. how many days until the 1st class begins - ends? You can come home for a month?? Yippee !! then the 30 day clock starts again.. how much love, how much fun can you pack into 30 days? Answer is a lot.
Back to the school clock now it's 6 months ... oh wait ... the holidays are coming, he can come home?? how long ? tick tock - he's here- tick tock.. he's gone . tick tock a month to MOS graduation.. can we tell time to stand still? Can I at least try before reality crushes us? Tick Tock is my answer.

Wait ... you get leave before checking in to your unit? 18 days ... He's HOME ... he's gone.. tick tock

Check in day, time to settle into the life of a Marine "in the fleet". The EAS clock is ticking but mercifully all else is quiet. Then the call or text .. we were given our deployment window .. don't worry it's not for a while... like a steam train coming down the tracks...  ticking is threatening to drown out all else, drive all thought from my head. The D word? please not the dreaded D word. But it's inevitable and it's out there now.. so the clock starts again. But wait, look at the calendar - don't allow all this good time to be wasted worrying about what's coming. So the smaller clocks start again, visits, leave.... a chance for dinner. But those damn large clocks are clouding up the horizon.

Along the way, somehow the awakening begins, it starts quietly but then becomes a roar. Life can't revolve around the ends, it will steal from the now. Live in the what you know, not the what ifs. Nothing can put off the day that your Marine, Airmen, Soldier or Sailor has to leave for their next training, next mission or end of leave.

So I try to quiet the ticker that is counting toward the biggie, deployments, and celebrate the present.   It's a work in progress - but at least for the most part I'm somewhat back to the banality of time. I have gone back to the birthdays and meetings .. the lunch dates and holidays. The chance for a dinner with my Marine, visits with his parents and girlfriend... all the happy moments that we'd miss if we allowed the dark side of time to intrude.

Those tickers are always there in the background, quieter now, but never the less -Tick Tock goes the military loved ones clock

They enlisted... We were drafted

Welcome to my humble blogging beginning... I am a family member of a United States Marine. I am going to chronicle the journey that any one who has a loved one in the Military embarks on from the moment we hear the words .. "I've enlisted!!"
In the last year the USMC especially has shown record #'s of newly enlisted recruits. This translates to lot of us out there all trying to walk this path with our service member, some of us have found support groups - some are walking the path alone. I have been involved with my Marine's journey from the moment he called me, excited as all get out, with those exact words. There is a spotlight on Mom's of Military members, but, not a lot of places to go for other military loved ones, so hopefully, this will provide an outlet for all of you out there.
As I am a family member of a Marine the info I provide may be skewed toward the USMC, but, the feelings are not - no matter which branch of service your loved one is in.. the feelings are the same for all of us.

What this will not be is a place to post derogatory comments about the US Military. What is will be is a place to share your experiences, read about mine and hold each other close as we navigate the sometimes rocky, sometimes joy filled but always proud path our servicemen and women have put us on.

Please leave me a comment, let me know what you think! Give me an idea on topics .. let's discuss I know you all have something to say or add !

Thanks !