"They also serve who only stand and wait". John Milton
I've become a little self conscious, long time friends were not taking my calls, I would join a group of people and those in the group would drift away one by one. Maybe it's my perfume or shampoo? No and no... it's my new obsession. I can't seem to get through a conversation without mentioning the armed forces in general, the USMC in particular.
If you've experienced the above, not to worry it's not terminal, it's not your perfume.. it's called having a loved one in the armed services. And yes! there is a support group for it, we don't have 12 steps to over come it but have faith .. usually 4 or 5 years will do the trick.
When my nephew uttered those words, "I've enlisted" I needed to talk .. and question and talk. Not to him but to someone, anyone who had also heard those same words at some point. Where to turn? It became very clear, very quickly that no one I knew had any experience with this. Not a friend or relative who could relate with the exception of my sister and well .. she was as brand new to this as I was.
I am one of those people that need information to be calm, I need to talk an issue to death, if need be, to be satisfied. I also am very social, with a large circle of friends with a vast and varied amount of interests and experience - yet I was alone! I was flying solo and feeling a bit isolated. No one understood. Oh they could try but you know it's bad when you're standing in the mall and a song comes over the music system, tears just start to stream and everyone you're with looks anywhere but at you. Friends would offer an ear but it became obvious fairly quickly that they couldn't fully comprehend the fear, the questions and the overwhelming need to be around those who 'got it'.
I was lucky and found an outlet online. I had my questions answered, I was able say, "I got a letter today and cried at the sight of his name on the return address," and have people understand immediately what that meant. I was no longer navigating this sea of confusion alone! No need for long explanations - just say a few words and someone online had a similar experience, a shoulder to lean on or a sympathetic ear. I had found another circle of friends.
All of these friendships began online, some have moved to off line, real life friendships. It's facebook, usmc or parrisisland.yuku.com, it's a Marine Moms and Others monthly luncheon. Are all of these people who's lives are now intersected with mine friends? No, some I have nothing in common with outside of this shared experience of having a family member in the military. Others would be my friend even outside of the military bond. But all are there for me and for you - we offer each other the simplest form of friendship - understanding forged in shared experience. No questions, no evaluations, no judgement, just support. We get the boot camp terror, we celebrate graduation, we cry for each word of deployment news, we CHEER homecomings.. WE GET IT!!!!! I've found another family and it's not unlike my real family because at the very foundation it's based on understanding and love. What can be better than that?
For me I've found one of the best, and easiest, ways to enlarge this circle is to get involved with a local charity - I've volunteered with The Wounded Warrior Foundation, Hope for the Warriors and the USO. I send care packages, I participate in SFS events, I chat on facebook. It works for me, it eases the feeling of being alone. The more I get involved, the less my other friends run away, its a win win! I have somewhere to talk about the military world and can now just deal with life's ups and downs with my old friends. No one glazes over when I wander into a conversation.. I'm no longer going to obsess out loud.. I have an outlet!
There are so many groups out there that can use our help. Search on google, if there are none.. start up a monthly group yourself, I bet there is one person living within a reasonable distance of you that can use the friendship. There is probably a group close by that does a care package project - go join in the pack!!
Volunteer your time, there are organizations that can use the help... our family member volunteered, so honor their commitment by giving some of your time. It ends up being a gift you give yourself, you help out and find that you've gained something in return - a new friend and that warm fuzzy feeling we all can use now and again.
Organize a lunch or a weekend. I'm meeting some facebook friends and reuniting with my boot camp family next week in Jacksonville, NC. Can't wait for the fun .. and a chance to either renew those bonds or make new ones. If you're in the area, leave a note below, come out and join us!
join the family - we're waiting! But know.. we might be the "Silent Ranks" but we are far from quiet. For MY Marine Corps family of friends... I don't know what I would do without you!
My group of online friends are doing a retreat of sorts which encompasses all branches of the military... We laugh, we cry, we learn... we revel in friendship and understanding. Heck it's not really that serious - we laugh a LOT. We're our own 12 step group. come on down in October and join in the fun -
SFS.BeachBlast@gmail.com for details. You're not alone and don't ever feel that you are.
So here are some suggestions to search - leave a comment if there is a group in your area that you would like added or just to share your experience -
Semper Fi Sisters - semperfisisters.com or visit on Facebook Semper Fi Sisters
Blue Star Mothers
The USO
Hope for the Warriors
Support Our Marines, Inc.
Soldiers Angels
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