Well Hello Again!

WOW - It's been quite a while and a lot of miles since my last entry here.   I could make all the usual excuses .. life got in the way... business got busy... dealing with the realities of loving someone in the military got me down.  While all of that may be true the honest answer is I forgot my sign on information!  Yes, lost the spreadsheet with all my information and well.. there you have it.   Trust me it's not for lack of things to blog about!   There have been many, many occasions over the last 2 years that I've said, " oh do I need to write in my blog about this!".   So while I couldn't share it with you at the time, I have been typing away and saving documents for the day that I could again share my opinions and thoughts, in addition to resources and information, with you all.  

There's been a lot of changes among my network of Military friends, many who had active duty are now family members of Veterans!  We have lost some of our Heroes as well as added to the ranks of Wounded Warriors.  Lots of tears and amazement at the strength of the family members and service members dealing with this first hand.    All the while, filling in behind us are new family members - all shiny and bright eyed- and I think a bit stunned by some of the cynical or jaded advice they are given.   It's hard to remember way back then, when we had no idea what was coming,  all we knew was the pride of having our loved one enlist in one of the branches of the military.  The pride is still there but the reality is as well.  It's really hard some days to care about not getting a letter from boot camp or basic,  worrying about losing one hot meal a day ( hey some of us remember when there were NO hot meals a day ),  and GASP! the best way to daily facetime/skype/message with a deployed loved one.  While I think its great I still can't quite wrap my head around that one. 

So get ready folks,  there will be some informative posts, some ranting posts, some reflective posts and through it all hope to keep my sense of humor intact.   

So glad to be back ! 

THE WAR IS OVER !?!?!?!!?

AH don't we wish!   It seems as if you can't turn on a news station or pick up a newspaper and not see the big bold headline " THE WAR IS OVER".   Sadly most people don't bother to read or listen further then the first few words and miss the most important part - In IRAQ!   The last time I, and I'm sure most you, checked things were still going strong in Afghanistan.  

Yes, the op tempo seems to have slowed down slightly, battalions, for the most part, are not on as a predictable schedule any longer. But... unless I've lost my mind, which after 3 years of this is entirely possible,  there's still quite a few of us either saying or gearing up to say our see you soon's to those faces we love so dearly. 

I have been stared at with complete dumbfounded expressions when I mention my Marine is making another trip to the big Ugly place. "Buuuut why? the war is over", is what I'm told with confusion written all over the face of the friend or acquaintance uttering that sentence.   Now - what a moment for me, part of me is ready to lash out at the person unfortunate enough to say this to me.  Then I remember, I am immersed in this life, I am privy to the comings and goings of units, I am tuned into the reality of what is put out there in the media is not necessarily truly reflecting what is happening.  Mostly I remember that a few short years ago I too was clueless to the reality of what was happening and bought in, pretty much hook, line and sinker, to the headlines.  I didn't know of this special underpinning of American society known as the military family.  That's not to say I was not well read in regard to the news of the day nor was I not well informed..  I just didn't take it further then - wow .. so the war is over great news!3  I think sometimes we forget how nice it was to be a bit ignorant of the realities of the military and how the bold headlines screaming great news, the TV running clips of Army soldiers reunited with their families did not necessarily tell the whole story.  

So what do I do when confronted with that maddening phrase - but the war is over?  I educated friends,  I don't get mad, indignant, insulted or annoyed.  I look at is as a teaching moment, a way to inform and pass on the word that NO the war is not over - just the war in Iraq is.   I share that the Marines, Sailors,Airmen and Soldiers are still leaving every day to fight in Afghanistan, that that war is going strong, still deadly and still requiring a constant supply of young men and women to support the efforts.     I see a lot of posting of people who are getting mad and lashing out at those who are ill informed -  so here's a suggestion, save the righteous indignation and use the moment, offer the person not only information but a way to help - tell them about making a donation to Semper Fi Sisters, Hope for the Warriors, Wounded Warrior Foundation, IAVA, Still in the Fight- tell them they can help out a military member by going to anysoldier.com or soldiersangels.com and make a difference in a young man or woman's deployment by showing their support via a care package.  You'll feel better for not getting your blood pressure up and, you'll probably find, the person you are talking to will be receptive.  We all are so aware of all these organizations but the average person has no idea they even exist.  Turn a bad moment into a wonderful opportunity.  How great is that? 

Too much advice, not enough information?

Sept. 18, 2011

Back when I first began this blog I wrote an entry Information is Key.  As I go deeper into this journey of being a family member of a serviceman I find this to still be true.  Now, however, I also have found that the SOURCE of the information is crucial.   Sure, there are people out there ready, willing and able to jump in and give advice. There is a major difference between information and advice.  Information should be based on clearly defined and verifiable sources.  It’s not to state what did happen but what should happen – based on a rule, regulation, order etc.  The problem is that  advice is usually based on their experience, which, in most cases translates to what their enlisted family member experienced.   

I can't be the only one noticing that Face book has groups popping up each day it seems.  Some are great but a lot are like the blind leading the blind when it comes to information and that's a little concerning. 

Now, I’m not saying sharing what happened with your Marine isn’t right or shouldn’t happen.  On the contrary, I think it’s great that people get to see the vast differences in how the USMC is experienced by various Marines.  Even something so simple as boot camp, simple in there is a clear training manual, clear rules and regulations followed by Drill Instructors and their command, yet it’s different for each recruit.  Their perception is different, their recollections may be inflated, (after all, we all know recruits never lie in letters).   One may have a horrible time of it, someone else seemingly breezes through.  Some have DI’s that are all business, some bend the rules a bit.   ALL these differences affect how a recruit will experience boot.  Yet most people, when asked a simple question – can my recruit have protein bars -  will NOT answer; it depends on the Drill instructor, do not send until your recruit requests it.  Nope, there will be a score of following posts, I sent my son a package each week – no problem,  I sent 800 bars no problem. I baked cookies - they loved them!   I sent without his asking – he had to eat them all / I sent without asking and nothing happened  blah blah blah.  Yes, that’s all probably true but the information is what the poster is seeking NOT the advice.  Give the info and let the poster decide what to do at that point. 

It gets more complicated as the Marine goes on, nothing is the same after boot for each one, ITB/MCT/MOS – again there is no same answer for each Marine as to how to expect the path to go.   It’s ever changing, fluid and, especially once they hit the fleet, sometimes dependent on what kind of Marine they are.  The Fleet especially has its own unique way of doing things unit to unit. Then there is taking into account how each BC manages his troops.  Life in the air wing is totally different from life on the groundside.   Logistics Marines will have a completely different time of it than Postal Clerk Marines,  PAO  a world away from Infantry.  

Through all of it though there are certain rules/regs that are consistent.  How to request leave ( how often it’s granted will vary wildly unit to unit).  How notifications are made, field day, drug issues, promotions (even though some MOS’ are notorious for very slow promotions due to cutting scores).  

I’ve learned to participate in the support but when it comes to when I need info I go to the inner circle.  Trust your sources, cultivate those that you know did their due diligence - that are telling you what should be. Read, there is a tremendous amount of information available online.  Research, ask questions, but examine the answers – though it may sound great to hear – Oh , LOL I did that and nothing happened, don’t put your Marine in the position of possibly having to answer for something you did because you received incorrect information.

When it comes to deployments what can or can’t be done is most definitely a unit to unit thing.  Each unit’s location and job will dictate what they can or can’t do or have on a deployment.  If the question is, I haven’t heard from my Marine in 3 days, should I worry.  The answer isn’t YES; I hear from mine every day;  the answer is a question – what job does your Marine have and is his location built up or have no amenities?   A Marine at Leatherneck has much more communication then someone out on an outpost depending on a satellite phone.   Same thing for care packages, needs are totally different.  This is where Family Readiness should be your go to for real information.    Sure ask for care package advice from all your online friends, but think about the locale before sending certain items – no matter how wonderful they sound!

I cherish my circle of support and I wouldn’t know what to do without them.  I had wonderful mentors who I listened to, realizing my 13 weeks of boot camp did not make me an expert it just made me an expert on his 13 weeks of boot camp.  I listened, I read, I asked questions, if given the opportunity I most certainly peppered a few SNCO’s  who, when realizing I was really interested and why , I write a blog for family members, were more then happy to talk to me. 

So find your way, surround yourself with support but filter the information. There are unit pages on line, there are support boards staffed by very knowledgeable people - try not to limit your source to be " I read it on face book so it MUST be true" :-) 

www.usmc.yuku.com
www.parrisisland.yuku.com

Marine Family Networks website

I'm waiting.......

So here I sit, late night once again.  Oh but this time it's different.  This time it's more like when I was a kid and told I was going on a really good vacation - when ? .. soon... where?.. somewhere great.... but when??    When you are little anything other then tomorrow is akin to forever and right now, I've got a foot in tomorrow and the other in forever.

That's sort of how the dog days of a deployment feel.  I know something wonderful is coming, I know I'm really going to like it, the excitement is building but... when ?   I can finally say soon -not too soon but there is definitely more behind then there is ahead.

This Semper Gumby stuff sure gets old quick though.  Yeah, yeah, I understand the reasons for the lack of information, heck I preach it to people myself.  Which by the way is not easy to do - spout the words when you really want to say yeah this stinks.. well no actually it sucks.   A clue maybe?  A hint would be awesome... the rumors are swirling. It's difficult to listen to all the scuttlebutt and not give it some credence.  I know better, but, when you are hearing whispers of what you want to hear .. well then you just want to believe.

All the preparations are starting, the planning, the organizing and the buzzing of anticipation - anything to make time pass.  Then reality sets in and I say, but wait, don't get ahead of yourself.  So much can change, so much can happen and it makes me mad.   Yes I said it, it makes me MAD that even a little joy is tempered with cold water baths of reality.   I think that's the hardest part, not being able to allow ourselves the luxury of just screaming out  Yeah Baby we're almost there.

I'm worn out - weary of cheer leading, of  being cautious in my words, of pushing down the feelings in order to pick up those who really need it.  I'm just tired in general.  I want to skip, give myself permission to enjoy the coming end.  Again, like that little kid I wake up each day and say ... today?  Will I know more today?

In the not too distant future it will be the day - the news will be released, the word passed and I will have the honor of being among those passing that word.  In doing so, I will also have the wonderful feeling of knowing I am part of making others wait come to an end;  of bringing happiness to them by answering the question YES Today is the day!   Make plans, make reservations, get in your car and drive... They are coming home ... Yes Today is the day!

Until then - stay safe, know you're loved, know you're missed, know we are waiting

The new 'normal'

It occurred to me that I seem like a Debbie Downer lately and I'm really not.

There are plenty of good days, most weeks/months they outnumber the bad.  I'm not dealing with a deployed service member. Our Marine is safe and sound on a base in the US. 

I feel for my new Marine family members that are, I, some days, fear the future but on the whole, life is good.


There comes a turning point, it came for me when he left for MCT, combat training - the next step after boot camp.  I occurred to me that 5 years is a LONG time to live in an emotional pressure cooker and to continue my obsessive behavior.    There was another part of my life that was jumping up and down in need of my attention.   The life full of people that existed and continued, most times without me,  when he went to boot camp. 
I made a conscious effort to call and reconnect with my friends that I had neglected, caught up on events that I had missed, did chores and errands that I had ignored.   The small details that made up my life that I had put on hold.   They cannot be put on hold forever, at some point we all have to re enter our 'normal' life.   Have a conversation that doesn't include mention of our servicemen/women and what they are doing.   Oh my! there was a time that I didn't think it was possible - but I found it is.

Seriously, he was not my hyper focus prior to enlisting and I had to get things back into a better balance.    So I have -  I still tend to speak to my Marine family on a more regular basis, I involve myself in volunteer work at this point solely with a military slant, but, I have made a successful re entry.   I go to parties, theater, attend social events, ball games, graduations, communions and completely enjoy myself.   The balance is still a little off but it's much better then it was and I am happier, and calmer, for it.

The fabric of my life has been rewoven to now include plenty of new threads - Marines, their family's, some of whom I now call friend in a way that transcends our Marine connection, some of whom are in my larger new Marine family of friends.   My life has been enriched by these connections. My world has been opened to a part of American life that while I was not unaware of I did not have much opportunity to come to know.

Because my intensity levels have lowered, my old friends now are interested again in what it is I'm involved in.  I don't send them running away or bore them to tears.  There was a change in my life made by a choice someone else made and it's fascinating.   The different ways of life that I have been exposed to in the last year is mind boggling.   I'm a city girl - born and bred and seriously .. really... had never met people who had chickens, cows, pigs on their farms.   The likelihood of my finding a snake curled up on my porch, a bear crossing my path in the yard were slim to none.  I knew that milk didn't start out in a nice carton or that meat wasn't always pre packaged but had never really met anyone involved in the beginning part of the process.   It's been like taking a cross country trip and seeing it all over again, but with a personal touch.   As most of us, my circle was a reflection of my beliefs, interests, upbringing and politics.   I've now met and become friends with those who share none of that.  My world has been widened even further and it's wonderful!

To those of you just starting your journey , I promise , life will return to normal, just a new normal.  But you will go through hours on end without obsessing.  You will be able to get through a day without tears, you will actually have a conversation about something other then the military and your service member... it seems almost impossible but it comes. As all things, it just takes time.

So thank you all for coming into my life ... Thank you to my Marine for your choice that brought them to me. I look forward to all the eye opening, thought provoking times yet to come with you all !

Details, details, we want details!

He doesn't tell me anything! Who hasn't heard or said that before?

   

When speaking to various friends who are wives, girlfriends or moms it seemed to be the recurring theme.  That's not to say they are all tighter then a clam when it comes to communicating, but more often then not.. yep they are. 

 While I was with a group of Marine family friends it was one of the more enlightening moments of the weekend when everyone realized that they were not alone in the dark.  None of their Marines shared details; to some it seemed that even telling what was for breakfast that day was an OpSec violation.

How are you? Fine, how was your day? Fine, What did you do today? Not much.  Then there is the even more maddening response of "I don't know". You don't know?  How the heck can you not know?

Details!!  We want details... we want to know the smallest, most insignificant piece of information.  FINE? what exactly does fine mean?

    

 So... here's what I have discovered, Fine means - the heat is still on in the barracks, even though it's 85 degrees out.  Fine means that they had to stand in formation for 2 hours today; fine means someone failed room inspection and they lost liberty. Fine means that their day, well, is just their day. 

 

 Now- to uncover the details of said day takes some super sleuthing.  When you visit them, take one of their buddies along to dinner.  Listen when they talk to each other.  Their simple conversation reveals the secrets of their day to day. It's as if you don't exist or have suddenly gone deaf as they forget you're there and just talk.  Warning! Do not interrupt the flow and details, precious details, start to surface.  Another good tool, if you are staying at a hotel near a base and see a service member at the pool or in the lobby, strike up a conversation... you'll find out more in a 5 minute conversation with a stranger then in 5 days with your own.

Recently, while in Jacksonville, NC, 2 of my friends struck up a conversation with a young Marine at the pool.   I walked over, okay swam over, and listened to him explain in depth his job, how he trains, and ... brace yourselves... how he feels!   He is talking about feelings??    

After listening for some time I asked a simple question, " How much of this does your Mom know?"  This lovely young Marine smiled at me and said, "Oh I don't tell my Mom anything! She doesn't need to know this she'd worry!".  Now mind you, my 2 friends are both Moms and there he was, opening up and just spilling secrets... but it wasn't HIS Mom so the filter was off.  He was very patient, completely engaged in the conversation.  He was anxious to put their minds at ease by actually explaining things.  We, like travelers lost in the desert and stumbling upon a water hole, greedily lapped up all he had to say.

Of course, there will always be the things they cannot and should not share with us.  As family members we need to learn to discern when "I don't know" really means "I can't say".   This is hard and it's unpleasant but it's also not negotiable.  

Then there are also things that maybe we are better off not knowing.  It's hard to understand the mentality that now governs their lives.  Someone is being 'mean' to our loved one and we want to make it right.   Well, we can't.  It's time to sit back and let them figure it out on their own.  This is their reality, this is their life and we can't fix things.   

  

That's truly the hard part about details, sometimes too much information is as bad as too little.  Be careful what you wish for in a way.. because once you know something you now have to live with the knowledge and in some cases have no where to go with it. 

So tread softly, pull back a little, they want to own this part of their life. 

They also want to protect us from worry, which of course, breeds super worry but they don't get that.   Remember, you are not alone, it is not just your kid being stingy with information.  

And when all else fails, remember the secret, the buddy system, it works!

Alphabet Soup aka the wonderful world of military acronyms

PI, AWF, PFT, IT, PT, MOS, IST, MCT, PDS, FRO, PUMP, SITFU, FEX, FOB, FLEET, CI, DI, OPSEC, POG, GRUNT, FLOAT, HOP, OORAH, YUT, SEMPER GUMBY


  O M G how did poor Gumby get dragged into this?

 WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

This all came to mind recently when I was having a conversation with a parent of a fairly new recruit at Parris Island.  She asked me to help her interpret a letter she had received. 

Upon arrival we were issued go fasters, moon beams, and deserts.  We also went to the 7 day and I bought my hygiene items, writing gear and ink sticks.  Chow to chow is the only way I can figure out what time of day it is.  We received Knowledge from our Knowledge Hat, were given pit time from our Kill Hat and then in the afternoon had  Big Daddy time.  By the time I hit the rack I'm exhausted - it feels like LIGHTS LIGHTS LIGHTS comes in 5 minutes.   

How many of us have been there?  Received a letter and wondered what is wrong with my recruit? What is a moonbeam and why would a USMC recruit be in need of one?   Oh good ... go fasters... maybe they roller skate to get from point A to point B quickly!!    

 

  A year or so ago, when I found myself in a situation not unlike the one above, I panicked.  In my boot camp insanity I became convinced this was some diabolical plot to further cement that our recruits have indeed entered another world.  Now I can no longer communicate with my Marine!  Of course this state of affairs was simply not acceptable.  Unwilling to accept defeat I went into my trusty boot camp message board. There I began to read anything and everything posted which caused even further confusion.  Realizing the situation was more dire then I had originally thought I took a huge step... clicked on the chat room and entered for the first time.  Shy, and a bit out of my element, for days I would visit and watch the sentences fly by as if in another language... well wait ... it is another language! It even has name - MarineSpeak!!!!!!!

Finally I couldn't take it any longer, hesitantly I asked, "Can someone please tell me - what's a KILL HAT? Where in the world is 29 Stumps... ???"  and so my education began.   

With the help of my beloved and revered mentors I slowly learned MarineSpeak.  Despite feeling quite unsure of myself,  and I admit a wee bit silly, I never the less started to test my new language skills in the chat room.  To my surprise I was understood, no one laughed, I wasn't treated as an impostor! Success was mine I had conquered the basics!  Now time for the real test, I began to use my new skills in my letters to boot camp.  I was excited !!  I could talk to him in his language, oh how proud he would be that I 'got it'. 

note - no they do not always like when we speak MarineSpeak.  It's like learning the secret handshake or password to their childhood fort .  What muddies the waters though is they appreciate we take the time to understand it 

  This had both a good and bad result.  Have you ever said to someone Hola and then they proceeded to chatter at you in Spanish?  Well that's pretty much what happened during boot leave after I asked, innocently, "What's your MOS?"  Yes friends, I received a full out answer to my question, which also included numbers, and very little of which I understood.  Deflation and confusion threatened but NO I will not quit!!  Okay, so now why use words when we have #'s.  Deep calming breath, where's my laptop?  Apparently all I had mastered was MarineSpeak101 and it was time for the next level.
  While I speak to my Marine family friends in this abbreviated language with ease I've learned something very important.   I've found that the habit of shortening words does not translate well when speaking with non Military friends.  So beware when you feel the need to tell them you are LOL while SMH... seriously... trust me on this ... it is not a good way to go. Take the time, slow it down!  Saying I was laughing out loud while shaking my head will earn you an understanding nod instead of the blank stare which says that you've finally gone over the edge. 

For all you newbies out there, relax, check out a link below, you'll learn.  

What I have found is that the education is never ending, with each new phase comes another layer of words/slang/acronyms that I need to master.  I truly believe though that our Marines invent new words to keep us guessing - it's their language, it's a secret and just when we think we catch on we're thrown a curve ball.
Which brings me to my real question - FOBBIT !?!?  maybe I'm living in a Tolkien fantasy? Fobbit ?!?!  really? 

Sigh...  and the education continues.  

Hotel Alpha Victor Echo  Alpha  Golf Oscar Oscar Delta  Delta Alpha Yankee

 

Marines

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_Marine_Corps_acronyms_and_expressions

http://www.marcorsyscom.usmc.mil/aboutus/acronyms.aspx

http://4mermarine.com/USMC/dictionary/a.html

  
Army 

http://www.acronymslist.com/cat/us-army-acronyms-%28official%29.html

http://www.acronymslist.com/cat/us-army-acronyms-%28slang%29.html

http://www.all-acronyms.com/tag/army


 Military


http://www.fas.org/news/reference/lexicon/acronym.htm

http://www.globemaster.de/html/dictionary.html


http://usmilitary.about.com/od/theorderlyroom/a/alphabet.htm

Navy

https://portal.navfac.navy.mil/portal/page/portal/navfac/acronyms/abc_tb


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Navy_acronyms
 

Air Force

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Air_Force_acronyms_and_expressions
http://www.fas.org/irp/doddir/usaf/afdd1-2.pdf

Coast Guard

http://a091.uscgaux.info/docs/AcronymsList.pdf


http://www.coastguardfamily.org/acronyms.htm