Too much advice, not enough information?

Sept. 18, 2011

Back when I first began this blog I wrote an entry Information is Key.  As I go deeper into this journey of being a family member of a serviceman I find this to still be true.  Now, however, I also have found that the SOURCE of the information is crucial.   Sure, there are people out there ready, willing and able to jump in and give advice. There is a major difference between information and advice.  Information should be based on clearly defined and verifiable sources.  It’s not to state what did happen but what should happen – based on a rule, regulation, order etc.  The problem is that  advice is usually based on their experience, which, in most cases translates to what their enlisted family member experienced.   

I can't be the only one noticing that Face book has groups popping up each day it seems.  Some are great but a lot are like the blind leading the blind when it comes to information and that's a little concerning. 

Now, I’m not saying sharing what happened with your Marine isn’t right or shouldn’t happen.  On the contrary, I think it’s great that people get to see the vast differences in how the USMC is experienced by various Marines.  Even something so simple as boot camp, simple in there is a clear training manual, clear rules and regulations followed by Drill Instructors and their command, yet it’s different for each recruit.  Their perception is different, their recollections may be inflated, (after all, we all know recruits never lie in letters).   One may have a horrible time of it, someone else seemingly breezes through.  Some have DI’s that are all business, some bend the rules a bit.   ALL these differences affect how a recruit will experience boot.  Yet most people, when asked a simple question – can my recruit have protein bars -  will NOT answer; it depends on the Drill instructor, do not send until your recruit requests it.  Nope, there will be a score of following posts, I sent my son a package each week – no problem,  I sent 800 bars no problem. I baked cookies - they loved them!   I sent without his asking – he had to eat them all / I sent without asking and nothing happened  blah blah blah.  Yes, that’s all probably true but the information is what the poster is seeking NOT the advice.  Give the info and let the poster decide what to do at that point. 

It gets more complicated as the Marine goes on, nothing is the same after boot for each one, ITB/MCT/MOS – again there is no same answer for each Marine as to how to expect the path to go.   It’s ever changing, fluid and, especially once they hit the fleet, sometimes dependent on what kind of Marine they are.  The Fleet especially has its own unique way of doing things unit to unit. Then there is taking into account how each BC manages his troops.  Life in the air wing is totally different from life on the groundside.   Logistics Marines will have a completely different time of it than Postal Clerk Marines,  PAO  a world away from Infantry.  

Through all of it though there are certain rules/regs that are consistent.  How to request leave ( how often it’s granted will vary wildly unit to unit).  How notifications are made, field day, drug issues, promotions (even though some MOS’ are notorious for very slow promotions due to cutting scores).  

I’ve learned to participate in the support but when it comes to when I need info I go to the inner circle.  Trust your sources, cultivate those that you know did their due diligence - that are telling you what should be. Read, there is a tremendous amount of information available online.  Research, ask questions, but examine the answers – though it may sound great to hear – Oh , LOL I did that and nothing happened, don’t put your Marine in the position of possibly having to answer for something you did because you received incorrect information.

When it comes to deployments what can or can’t be done is most definitely a unit to unit thing.  Each unit’s location and job will dictate what they can or can’t do or have on a deployment.  If the question is, I haven’t heard from my Marine in 3 days, should I worry.  The answer isn’t YES; I hear from mine every day;  the answer is a question – what job does your Marine have and is his location built up or have no amenities?   A Marine at Leatherneck has much more communication then someone out on an outpost depending on a satellite phone.   Same thing for care packages, needs are totally different.  This is where Family Readiness should be your go to for real information.    Sure ask for care package advice from all your online friends, but think about the locale before sending certain items – no matter how wonderful they sound!

I cherish my circle of support and I wouldn’t know what to do without them.  I had wonderful mentors who I listened to, realizing my 13 weeks of boot camp did not make me an expert it just made me an expert on his 13 weeks of boot camp.  I listened, I read, I asked questions, if given the opportunity I most certainly peppered a few SNCO’s  who, when realizing I was really interested and why , I write a blog for family members, were more then happy to talk to me. 

So find your way, surround yourself with support but filter the information. There are unit pages on line, there are support boards staffed by very knowledgeable people - try not to limit your source to be " I read it on face book so it MUST be true" :-) 

www.usmc.yuku.com
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Marine Family Networks website

Rounding third....

and heading for home it's a brown, blue, green eyed handsome maaaaaannnnnn ( or woman ). 

There are few moments of sheer, unadulterated joy when part of a military family.   One is the day of boot camp graduation, the other the end of a deployment.    Both seem to make me want to dance.. and sing ... oh yes, that old song in the heart that just needs to come out...

One day you peek at your Donut of Misery and can't quite believe what it says... can it be ?  Time flashes back to the first day you install it, then open it up and bummer it says 0% gone and a loooooooong way to go to the end.   Personally, I treat it like a scale while on a diet, I don't look every day, there's little movement and that's a bit depressing.  The one day, magically there's a lot more time gone then there is to go!   A little increase in heart rate and a slight weight lifts off.   I say slight because there is a whole 'nother level of anxiety associated with the waning month(s) of a deployment.  The fear is palpable, the stress almost unbearable.  You want to believe that it's almost done, they are almost safe but ... well until all they are standing in front of you it's still hard to take that full deep breath.   Sleep becomes even more fitful.  Wait now, isn't this supposed to be the good time?!?

A week or so passes and a check list is started, a stop mail date is given, a foot locker magically appears, covered in dust and locked but you know someone you love has touched it.  Other's in your unit start to get more chatty, nervous talk but the need to talk is overwhelming.  No one wants to speak the fear out loud, you feel the excitement building but it's a cautionary optimism.    Which quite frankly pisses me off.   I want to jump up and down, I want to scream out IT'S ALMOST OVER! But, nope ... it's still said in whispers, daring to put it out into the universe is tempting fate in a way.  So, inside, deep inside the flutters begin. 
More items checked off, it's getting harder to contain the feelings, then oh happy happy day, a window!  Who cares if it's vague and 3 weeks wide... it's real, unavoidable proof that there is an end to this period of time.   Things start to move, plans start to be made and of course, the inevitable food requests start to come in.   

 Oh to be in Carolinaaaaaaaaaa.....

I digress but it's so funny to me that food is an underlying current to all they do and seemingly is how we can start to mark the end of different periods of time.   Boot camp letters start to be solely about what they want, when they want it and how much they will eat of it.   Deployment calls, emails and chats are all about - what I want and what to have waiting in the cooler for them.   You start to also sense the excitement of coming home building 'over there'.   Ends of chats are not talk to you soon, they are a bit more definite, see you soon, see you in a month, 3 weeks, a week, SOON!!!
Over here things feel lighter, they start to take on brighter colors, laughs come a bit easier.   3 week block hotel reservations are made, ( those poor hotel reservation people, they do put up with a lot !),  cell phone #'s are exchanged. 
All of a sudden there are very few items left on that old check list.   The date window shortens,  a frenzy of phone calls,  daily stalking of the hot line begin.  Rumors, oh what would the USMC be without rumors, start - I heard they are coming home on X, well I heard XX , nope I'm sure it's XXX.   Dates go out and emails come back, you are wrong, where are you getting these dates? My LCpl says it's X  -  well sorry ma'am but the Sgt Major gave us these dates I'll be happy to pass on that he's wrong though.   Semper Gumby makes his inevitable appearance, dates start to shift and change daily,  normally calm people start to get a little bit testy.  WAIT , this is happy time no?  Apparently not yet. 

Where else could an end to something be so happy? Where else do you get ONE day to breath, one day to just say oh yeah, this is a good day?   The minute they get on that bus to leave we start the homecoming countdown, now it seems that the minute they step off that bus we start to wonder, how long will we have them for this time? How long before they ship out again?   

So enjoy that day of joy, they are far and few between, but when they are here, it is real, it is intense and it is a moment to treasure. 

But that one day, it's time to sing... so let's hear it for the boys... let's give those boys a hand........