Well Hello Again!

WOW - It's been quite a while and a lot of miles since my last entry here.   I could make all the usual excuses .. life got in the way... business got busy... dealing with the realities of loving someone in the military got me down.  While all of that may be true the honest answer is I forgot my sign on information!  Yes, lost the spreadsheet with all my information and well.. there you have it.   Trust me it's not for lack of things to blog about!   There have been many, many occasions over the last 2 years that I've said, " oh do I need to write in my blog about this!".   So while I couldn't share it with you at the time, I have been typing away and saving documents for the day that I could again share my opinions and thoughts, in addition to resources and information, with you all.  

There's been a lot of changes among my network of Military friends, many who had active duty are now family members of Veterans!  We have lost some of our Heroes as well as added to the ranks of Wounded Warriors.  Lots of tears and amazement at the strength of the family members and service members dealing with this first hand.    All the while, filling in behind us are new family members - all shiny and bright eyed- and I think a bit stunned by some of the cynical or jaded advice they are given.   It's hard to remember way back then, when we had no idea what was coming,  all we knew was the pride of having our loved one enlist in one of the branches of the military.  The pride is still there but the reality is as well.  It's really hard some days to care about not getting a letter from boot camp or basic,  worrying about losing one hot meal a day ( hey some of us remember when there were NO hot meals a day ),  and GASP! the best way to daily facetime/skype/message with a deployed loved one.  While I think its great I still can't quite wrap my head around that one. 

So get ready folks,  there will be some informative posts, some ranting posts, some reflective posts and through it all hope to keep my sense of humor intact.   

So glad to be back ! 

Too much advice, not enough information?

Sept. 18, 2011

Back when I first began this blog I wrote an entry Information is Key.  As I go deeper into this journey of being a family member of a serviceman I find this to still be true.  Now, however, I also have found that the SOURCE of the information is crucial.   Sure, there are people out there ready, willing and able to jump in and give advice. There is a major difference between information and advice.  Information should be based on clearly defined and verifiable sources.  It’s not to state what did happen but what should happen – based on a rule, regulation, order etc.  The problem is that  advice is usually based on their experience, which, in most cases translates to what their enlisted family member experienced.   

I can't be the only one noticing that Face book has groups popping up each day it seems.  Some are great but a lot are like the blind leading the blind when it comes to information and that's a little concerning. 

Now, I’m not saying sharing what happened with your Marine isn’t right or shouldn’t happen.  On the contrary, I think it’s great that people get to see the vast differences in how the USMC is experienced by various Marines.  Even something so simple as boot camp, simple in there is a clear training manual, clear rules and regulations followed by Drill Instructors and their command, yet it’s different for each recruit.  Their perception is different, their recollections may be inflated, (after all, we all know recruits never lie in letters).   One may have a horrible time of it, someone else seemingly breezes through.  Some have DI’s that are all business, some bend the rules a bit.   ALL these differences affect how a recruit will experience boot.  Yet most people, when asked a simple question – can my recruit have protein bars -  will NOT answer; it depends on the Drill instructor, do not send until your recruit requests it.  Nope, there will be a score of following posts, I sent my son a package each week – no problem,  I sent 800 bars no problem. I baked cookies - they loved them!   I sent without his asking – he had to eat them all / I sent without asking and nothing happened  blah blah blah.  Yes, that’s all probably true but the information is what the poster is seeking NOT the advice.  Give the info and let the poster decide what to do at that point. 

It gets more complicated as the Marine goes on, nothing is the same after boot for each one, ITB/MCT/MOS – again there is no same answer for each Marine as to how to expect the path to go.   It’s ever changing, fluid and, especially once they hit the fleet, sometimes dependent on what kind of Marine they are.  The Fleet especially has its own unique way of doing things unit to unit. Then there is taking into account how each BC manages his troops.  Life in the air wing is totally different from life on the groundside.   Logistics Marines will have a completely different time of it than Postal Clerk Marines,  PAO  a world away from Infantry.  

Through all of it though there are certain rules/regs that are consistent.  How to request leave ( how often it’s granted will vary wildly unit to unit).  How notifications are made, field day, drug issues, promotions (even though some MOS’ are notorious for very slow promotions due to cutting scores).  

I’ve learned to participate in the support but when it comes to when I need info I go to the inner circle.  Trust your sources, cultivate those that you know did their due diligence - that are telling you what should be. Read, there is a tremendous amount of information available online.  Research, ask questions, but examine the answers – though it may sound great to hear – Oh , LOL I did that and nothing happened, don’t put your Marine in the position of possibly having to answer for something you did because you received incorrect information.

When it comes to deployments what can or can’t be done is most definitely a unit to unit thing.  Each unit’s location and job will dictate what they can or can’t do or have on a deployment.  If the question is, I haven’t heard from my Marine in 3 days, should I worry.  The answer isn’t YES; I hear from mine every day;  the answer is a question – what job does your Marine have and is his location built up or have no amenities?   A Marine at Leatherneck has much more communication then someone out on an outpost depending on a satellite phone.   Same thing for care packages, needs are totally different.  This is where Family Readiness should be your go to for real information.    Sure ask for care package advice from all your online friends, but think about the locale before sending certain items – no matter how wonderful they sound!

I cherish my circle of support and I wouldn’t know what to do without them.  I had wonderful mentors who I listened to, realizing my 13 weeks of boot camp did not make me an expert it just made me an expert on his 13 weeks of boot camp.  I listened, I read, I asked questions, if given the opportunity I most certainly peppered a few SNCO’s  who, when realizing I was really interested and why , I write a blog for family members, were more then happy to talk to me. 

So find your way, surround yourself with support but filter the information. There are unit pages on line, there are support boards staffed by very knowledgeable people - try not to limit your source to be " I read it on face book so it MUST be true" :-) 

www.usmc.yuku.com
www.parrisisland.yuku.com

Marine Family Networks website

I'm waiting.......

So here I sit, late night once again.  Oh but this time it's different.  This time it's more like when I was a kid and told I was going on a really good vacation - when ? .. soon... where?.. somewhere great.... but when??    When you are little anything other then tomorrow is akin to forever and right now, I've got a foot in tomorrow and the other in forever.

That's sort of how the dog days of a deployment feel.  I know something wonderful is coming, I know I'm really going to like it, the excitement is building but... when ?   I can finally say soon -not too soon but there is definitely more behind then there is ahead.

This Semper Gumby stuff sure gets old quick though.  Yeah, yeah, I understand the reasons for the lack of information, heck I preach it to people myself.  Which by the way is not easy to do - spout the words when you really want to say yeah this stinks.. well no actually it sucks.   A clue maybe?  A hint would be awesome... the rumors are swirling. It's difficult to listen to all the scuttlebutt and not give it some credence.  I know better, but, when you are hearing whispers of what you want to hear .. well then you just want to believe.

All the preparations are starting, the planning, the organizing and the buzzing of anticipation - anything to make time pass.  Then reality sets in and I say, but wait, don't get ahead of yourself.  So much can change, so much can happen and it makes me mad.   Yes I said it, it makes me MAD that even a little joy is tempered with cold water baths of reality.   I think that's the hardest part, not being able to allow ourselves the luxury of just screaming out  Yeah Baby we're almost there.

I'm worn out - weary of cheer leading, of  being cautious in my words, of pushing down the feelings in order to pick up those who really need it.  I'm just tired in general.  I want to skip, give myself permission to enjoy the coming end.  Again, like that little kid I wake up each day and say ... today?  Will I know more today?

In the not too distant future it will be the day - the news will be released, the word passed and I will have the honor of being among those passing that word.  In doing so, I will also have the wonderful feeling of knowing I am part of making others wait come to an end;  of bringing happiness to them by answering the question YES Today is the day!   Make plans, make reservations, get in your car and drive... They are coming home ... Yes Today is the day!

Until then - stay safe, know you're loved, know you're missed, know we are waiting

Silence... is it golden?

With all the information we all share .. how much is too much?  Is there a point that we cross the line, intrude on others?  I'm struggling with this dilemma for the past few days.   Is my need to be involved also taking precedence over some one's right to privacy and more importantly, right to finding his own way?

The quiet - sometimes there is a need to go quiet. 

Whether it's a family member or your service member - silence is not always bad.  I find I need to distance myself at times from it all and just be with my own thoughts; to gain focus again.  

Of course there is the other side to it, someone who is silent can also be drowning and in need of help.  The trick is in how to figure out which situation is presenting itself.     

If I find a friend who has been fairly good at communicating suddenly drop out I reach out.   Not publicly in a post, but in a private message and ask if all is okay.  If it's just the case of their needing to be quiet for whatever reason, then I respect that.   l let them know I'm here for them and leave it be.   If it's someone who is obviously in distress and can't ask for help, then I extend the hand and hope they reach for it.  There's a fine line between intruding and interest and sometimes hard to negotiate without hard feelings or missteps.  

With our service members it's a little more difficult.   Their situation is more complicated - it can be a problem with their command, other's in their unit,  news they are being told that they can't share, deployment, dealing with the aftermath of being deployed.   It's a slippery slope that we have to learn to navigate, when are we hovering... when are we pushing to hard, or not hard enough?  When is it them not knowing how to communicate what they are feeling or that natural distancing that comes with just growing up? 

I read somewhere that the average Marine recruit entering boot camp at 17 or 18 will mature the equivalent of 2 years in that 3 month period.  To me that's astounding!  How are we supposed to catch up when our time frames have remained at the status quo?   Were we supposed to be able to make that leap as well? 

It's hard to discern when the need for quiet is healthy for myself as well.  I don't really want to be talking all Marines all the time, some days I want to make believe it doesn't exist at all.   I draw back from the constant chatter and posting, not because I don't care but possibly because I begin to care too much.   I hope I don't insult someone or hurt their feelings when I explain it's just me needing some distance.   Some get it, some don't.  I hope I'm one of those that 'get' it when the shoe is on the other foot.   I want to make sure I am respecting every one's wants and needs - my friends and my serviceman's.


This learning curve and living out loud is a process that takes some getting used to. How much is too much?

The new 'normal'

It occurred to me that I seem like a Debbie Downer lately and I'm really not.

There are plenty of good days, most weeks/months they outnumber the bad.  I'm not dealing with a deployed service member. Our Marine is safe and sound on a base in the US. 

I feel for my new Marine family members that are, I, some days, fear the future but on the whole, life is good.


There comes a turning point, it came for me when he left for MCT, combat training - the next step after boot camp.  I occurred to me that 5 years is a LONG time to live in an emotional pressure cooker and to continue my obsessive behavior.    There was another part of my life that was jumping up and down in need of my attention.   The life full of people that existed and continued, most times without me,  when he went to boot camp. 
I made a conscious effort to call and reconnect with my friends that I had neglected, caught up on events that I had missed, did chores and errands that I had ignored.   The small details that made up my life that I had put on hold.   They cannot be put on hold forever, at some point we all have to re enter our 'normal' life.   Have a conversation that doesn't include mention of our servicemen/women and what they are doing.   Oh my! there was a time that I didn't think it was possible - but I found it is.

Seriously, he was not my hyper focus prior to enlisting and I had to get things back into a better balance.    So I have -  I still tend to speak to my Marine family on a more regular basis, I involve myself in volunteer work at this point solely with a military slant, but, I have made a successful re entry.   I go to parties, theater, attend social events, ball games, graduations, communions and completely enjoy myself.   The balance is still a little off but it's much better then it was and I am happier, and calmer, for it.

The fabric of my life has been rewoven to now include plenty of new threads - Marines, their family's, some of whom I now call friend in a way that transcends our Marine connection, some of whom are in my larger new Marine family of friends.   My life has been enriched by these connections. My world has been opened to a part of American life that while I was not unaware of I did not have much opportunity to come to know.

Because my intensity levels have lowered, my old friends now are interested again in what it is I'm involved in.  I don't send them running away or bore them to tears.  There was a change in my life made by a choice someone else made and it's fascinating.   The different ways of life that I have been exposed to in the last year is mind boggling.   I'm a city girl - born and bred and seriously .. really... had never met people who had chickens, cows, pigs on their farms.   The likelihood of my finding a snake curled up on my porch, a bear crossing my path in the yard were slim to none.  I knew that milk didn't start out in a nice carton or that meat wasn't always pre packaged but had never really met anyone involved in the beginning part of the process.   It's been like taking a cross country trip and seeing it all over again, but with a personal touch.   As most of us, my circle was a reflection of my beliefs, interests, upbringing and politics.   I've now met and become friends with those who share none of that.  My world has been widened even further and it's wonderful!

To those of you just starting your journey , I promise , life will return to normal, just a new normal.  But you will go through hours on end without obsessing.  You will be able to get through a day without tears, you will actually have a conversation about something other then the military and your service member... it seems almost impossible but it comes. As all things, it just takes time.

So thank you all for coming into my life ... Thank you to my Marine for your choice that brought them to me. I look forward to all the eye opening, thought provoking times yet to come with you all !

Rainy Day's and Monday's

a less then stellar day - oh .. don't get me wrong, life is good.. me not so much.   It's never a good sign when the day starts off by crying in the shower.  What set me off you might ask ?   It's nothing tangible, it's nothing concrete, it just is the weight, the knowledge, the truth of loving someone in the military.  Most days I can wind my way through, seemingly without a care in the world, then there are THOSE days.. you all know, we all have them.

Was it a dream..  a careless remark by a friend in passing... or something as simple as too many people inquiring about my Marine nephew?   Is it my empathy for a fellow military loved one who's having a tough time?  Maybe it's just Monday.

More then likely it's just that today I don't want to be strong, today I don't want to make believe he's just on a camping trip, today I can't push the knowledge of an impending deployment away.    No .. today I just want to give in.  So I do... just for today.  I look at it as a chance to recharge the core that I depend on for my strength the rest of the days.  So I cry, I watch all those youtube videos that I know I shouldn't, I allow myself the luxury of emotion.

Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will be strong.. tomorrow I'll help out someone else having a "day".. but today.. hmm today I'll just let happen.

You've Got a Friend

"They also serve who only stand and wait".  John Milton
 

I've become a little self conscious, long time friends were not taking my calls,  I would join a group of people and those in the group would drift away one by one.  Maybe it's my perfume or shampoo?  No and no... it's my new obsession.  I can't seem to get through a conversation without mentioning the armed forces in general, the USMC in particular. 

If you've experienced the above, not to worry it's not terminal, it's not your perfume.. it's called having a loved one in the armed services.  And yes!  there is a support group for it, we don't have 12 steps to over come it but have faith .. usually 4 or 5 years will do the trick.

When my nephew uttered those words, "I've enlisted" I needed to talk .. and question and talk.  Not to him but to someone, anyone who had also heard those same words at some point.  Where to turn?  It became very clear, very quickly that no one I knew had any experience with this.  Not a friend or relative who could relate with the exception of my sister and well .. she was as brand new to this as I was.

I am one of those people that need information to be calm, I need to talk an issue to death, if need be, to be satisfied.   I also am very social, with a large circle of friends with a vast and varied amount of interests and experience - yet I was alone!  I was flying solo and feeling a bit isolated.  No one understood. Oh they could try but you know it's bad when you're standing in the mall and a song comes over the music system, tears just start to stream and everyone you're with looks anywhere but at you.   Friends would offer an ear but it became obvious fairly quickly that they couldn't fully comprehend the fear, the questions and the overwhelming need to be around those who 'got it'.

I was lucky and found an outlet online.  I had my questions answered, I was able say, "I got a letter today and cried at the sight of his name on the return address," and have people understand immediately what that meant.  I was no longer navigating this sea of confusion alone!  No need for long explanations - just say a few words and someone online had a similar experience, a shoulder to lean on or a sympathetic ear.  I had found another circle of friends.

All of these friendships began online, some have moved to off line, real life friendships.  It's facebook, usmc or parrisisland.yuku.com, it's a Marine Moms and Others monthly luncheon.   Are all of these people who's lives are now intersected with mine friends?  No, some I have nothing in common with outside of this shared experience of having a family member in the military.  Others would be my friend even outside of the military bond.  But all are there for me and for you - we offer each other the simplest form of friendship  - understanding forged in shared experience.  No questions, no evaluations, no judgement, just support.   We get the boot camp terror, we celebrate graduation, we cry for each word of deployment news, we CHEER homecomings.. WE GET IT!!!!!   I've found another family and it's not unlike my real family because at the very foundation it's based on understanding and love.  What can be better than that?

For me I've found one of the best, and easiest, ways to enlarge this circle is to get involved with a local charity - I've volunteered with The Wounded Warrior Foundation, Hope for the Warriors and the USO.  I send care packages, I participate in SFS events, I chat on facebook.   It works for me, it eases the feeling of being alone.   The more I get involved, the less my other friends run away, its a win win!  I have somewhere to talk about the military world and can now just deal with life's ups and downs with my old friends.  No one glazes over when I wander into a conversation.. I'm no longer going to obsess out loud.. I have an outlet!

There are so many groups out there that can use our help.  Search on google, if there are none.. start up a monthly group yourself, I bet there is one person living within a reasonable distance of you that can use the friendship.  There is probably a group close by that does a care package project - go join in the pack!!

Volunteer your time, there are organizations that can use the help... our family member volunteered, so honor their commitment by giving some of your time.  It ends up being a gift you give yourself, you help out and find that you've gained something in return - a new friend and that warm fuzzy feeling we all can use now and again.


Organize a lunch or a weekend.   I'm meeting some facebook friends and reuniting with my boot camp family next week in Jacksonville, NC.  Can't wait for the fun .. and a chance to either renew those bonds or make new ones.  If you're in the area, leave a note below, come out and join us!

 join the family - we're waiting! But know.. we might be the "Silent Ranks" but we are far from quiet.  For MY Marine Corps family of friends... I don't know what I would do without you!  


My group of online friends are doing a retreat of sorts which encompasses all branches of the military... We laugh, we cry, we learn... we revel in friendship and understanding. Heck it's not really that serious - we laugh a LOT.  We're our own 12 step group. come on down in October and join in the fun - 
SFS.BeachBlast@gmail.com for details.  You're not alone and don't ever feel that you are. 

So here are some suggestions to search - leave a comment if there is a group in your area that you would like added or just to share your experience -

Semper Fi Sisters - semperfisisters.com or visit on Facebook Semper Fi Sisters

Blue Star Mothers

The USO

Hope for the Warriors

Support Our Marines, Inc.

Soldiers Angels

Alphabet Soup aka the wonderful world of military acronyms

PI, AWF, PFT, IT, PT, MOS, IST, MCT, PDS, FRO, PUMP, SITFU, FEX, FOB, FLEET, CI, DI, OPSEC, POG, GRUNT, FLOAT, HOP, OORAH, YUT, SEMPER GUMBY


  O M G how did poor Gumby get dragged into this?

 WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

This all came to mind recently when I was having a conversation with a parent of a fairly new recruit at Parris Island.  She asked me to help her interpret a letter she had received. 

Upon arrival we were issued go fasters, moon beams, and deserts.  We also went to the 7 day and I bought my hygiene items, writing gear and ink sticks.  Chow to chow is the only way I can figure out what time of day it is.  We received Knowledge from our Knowledge Hat, were given pit time from our Kill Hat and then in the afternoon had  Big Daddy time.  By the time I hit the rack I'm exhausted - it feels like LIGHTS LIGHTS LIGHTS comes in 5 minutes.   

How many of us have been there?  Received a letter and wondered what is wrong with my recruit? What is a moonbeam and why would a USMC recruit be in need of one?   Oh good ... go fasters... maybe they roller skate to get from point A to point B quickly!!    

 

  A year or so ago, when I found myself in a situation not unlike the one above, I panicked.  In my boot camp insanity I became convinced this was some diabolical plot to further cement that our recruits have indeed entered another world.  Now I can no longer communicate with my Marine!  Of course this state of affairs was simply not acceptable.  Unwilling to accept defeat I went into my trusty boot camp message board. There I began to read anything and everything posted which caused even further confusion.  Realizing the situation was more dire then I had originally thought I took a huge step... clicked on the chat room and entered for the first time.  Shy, and a bit out of my element, for days I would visit and watch the sentences fly by as if in another language... well wait ... it is another language! It even has name - MarineSpeak!!!!!!!

Finally I couldn't take it any longer, hesitantly I asked, "Can someone please tell me - what's a KILL HAT? Where in the world is 29 Stumps... ???"  and so my education began.   

With the help of my beloved and revered mentors I slowly learned MarineSpeak.  Despite feeling quite unsure of myself,  and I admit a wee bit silly, I never the less started to test my new language skills in the chat room.  To my surprise I was understood, no one laughed, I wasn't treated as an impostor! Success was mine I had conquered the basics!  Now time for the real test, I began to use my new skills in my letters to boot camp.  I was excited !!  I could talk to him in his language, oh how proud he would be that I 'got it'. 

note - no they do not always like when we speak MarineSpeak.  It's like learning the secret handshake or password to their childhood fort .  What muddies the waters though is they appreciate we take the time to understand it 

  This had both a good and bad result.  Have you ever said to someone Hola and then they proceeded to chatter at you in Spanish?  Well that's pretty much what happened during boot leave after I asked, innocently, "What's your MOS?"  Yes friends, I received a full out answer to my question, which also included numbers, and very little of which I understood.  Deflation and confusion threatened but NO I will not quit!!  Okay, so now why use words when we have #'s.  Deep calming breath, where's my laptop?  Apparently all I had mastered was MarineSpeak101 and it was time for the next level.
  While I speak to my Marine family friends in this abbreviated language with ease I've learned something very important.   I've found that the habit of shortening words does not translate well when speaking with non Military friends.  So beware when you feel the need to tell them you are LOL while SMH... seriously... trust me on this ... it is not a good way to go. Take the time, slow it down!  Saying I was laughing out loud while shaking my head will earn you an understanding nod instead of the blank stare which says that you've finally gone over the edge. 

For all you newbies out there, relax, check out a link below, you'll learn.  

What I have found is that the education is never ending, with each new phase comes another layer of words/slang/acronyms that I need to master.  I truly believe though that our Marines invent new words to keep us guessing - it's their language, it's a secret and just when we think we catch on we're thrown a curve ball.
Which brings me to my real question - FOBBIT !?!?  maybe I'm living in a Tolkien fantasy? Fobbit ?!?!  really? 

Sigh...  and the education continues.  

Hotel Alpha Victor Echo  Alpha  Golf Oscar Oscar Delta  Delta Alpha Yankee

 

Marines

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_Marine_Corps_acronyms_and_expressions

http://www.marcorsyscom.usmc.mil/aboutus/acronyms.aspx

http://4mermarine.com/USMC/dictionary/a.html

  
Army 

http://www.acronymslist.com/cat/us-army-acronyms-%28official%29.html

http://www.acronymslist.com/cat/us-army-acronyms-%28slang%29.html

http://www.all-acronyms.com/tag/army


 Military


http://www.fas.org/news/reference/lexicon/acronym.htm

http://www.globemaster.de/html/dictionary.html


http://usmilitary.about.com/od/theorderlyroom/a/alphabet.htm

Navy

https://portal.navfac.navy.mil/portal/page/portal/navfac/acronyms/abc_tb


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Navy_acronyms
 

Air Force

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Air_Force_acronyms_and_expressions
http://www.fas.org/irp/doddir/usaf/afdd1-2.pdf

Coast Guard

http://a091.uscgaux.info/docs/AcronymsList.pdf


http://www.coastguardfamily.org/acronyms.htm

Information is Key

    Today is all about information.  For me the most unsettling and upsetting part of enlistment was my complete and total lack of knowledge.   Thankfully, we live in the information age and a plethora of just that was a key stroke away - or so I thought.   Connecting with others and finding real information is not as easy as I had first imagined it would be.  After poring through pages and searches, which led to other searches and other pages,  I stumbled upon a link that saved my sanity.  www.parrisisland.yuku.com   All things Marine boot camp, answers, chat rooms and a connection with others who were either going through this along side me or had been there before.  I wouldn't say that this completely eased the stress but it did lower my levels to a manageable point.

    For parents it's sending your baby who you've been watching as closely as a hawk, into the great unknown.  For wives, husbands, girl friends/boy friends - you are having someone leave that should be, according to most in society, staying by your side.   For us extended family members it's a little different but no less upsetting.   For all but the spouse/partners it's the child/nephew/niece that you've been carefully sheltering from danger going off, willingly, into harms way.   In this day and age we can talk to them, text them, GPS their phones to find them and contact them at any given moment and now they are going off into what feels like a big black hole.

   What will they be doing? How will they be feeling? What... Why... How.... Where....

    I found my answers - hopefully some of the links below will help you find yours !


All Branches

http://www.allmilitary.com/board/

http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individual.asp?gid=273

Marine Corps

 

www.parrisisland.yuku.com    all things boot camp related

www.usmc.yuku.com          combat school and beyond

Army 

http://www.armybasic.org/portal/index.php

http://forums.military.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/2681962206/m/1241902096/p/44

http://www.marriedtothearmy.com

Air Force


http://www.militarymoms.net/airforcebasic.html

Navy

http://www.navy.com/messageboard/index.jspa

http://www.navy4moms.com

Coast Guard

http://www.uscg.org/?uscg-forum=*http://www.uscg.org/forum/

http://www.coastguardfamily.org


If anyone has other sites or message boards that they find useful, please, leave it for me in the comments and I will add to the list above.

Suggested Reading -

Hey Mom! I Joined the Marines!: They May Have Enlisted, but We Were Drafted by Teri A. Laughery (Paperback - Oct. 26, 2009)

Into The Crucible: Making Marines for the 21st Century 

Keeping Faith: A Father-Son Story About Love and the U.S. Marine Corps 

An Army ABC Book 
Separated By Duty, United In Love (revised): Guide to Long Distance Relationships for Military Couples (Updated) 

Tick Tock goes the Clock

Time .. minutes, days, weeks, months, years - they take on a new meaning when you have someone in the military.

Oh don' t get me wrong, in our regular everyday, ( read pre-military ), lives there are plenty of times when time and the calendar play a large role. We mark meetings, birthdays, vacations, special events and go on about our business. What I have found, post enlistment, for me, time has become a living breathing entity that has a constant presence. Time is both my friend and my enemy, sometimes at the same time!

It's as if there were suddenly all these tickers clicking simultaneously in my head. First, the countdown to his shipping off to boot camp... 3 months .. everything seems to be focused on that 3 months left.

Ship day comes and another clock starts - 13 weeks of boot camp, and the realization that there is another much larger ticker -the one that marks the end of his first active duty enlistment.. that's the big ticker that is on all the time running in the background. It's silent, but it's there.

Of course when the boot camp ticker starts, we move onto the marking off on the calendar of the weeks .. then days left in boot camp (another topic that will be written about in depth by the way). During boot there was the weekly letter ticker - Thursdays were a favorite day around here ! While this is happening we follow the training matrix as if it holds the answer to eternal youth. A week to rifle qualification, the gas chamber, the final written test, final PFT and the biggie .. gulp.. the Crucible.. a long 54 hour wait for anyone with a recruit in Marine Corp boot camp. Then the longest and shortest week - the one leading to graduation... a week, then day countdown. We get to see him.. and hug him.. and take him home .. hooray!

While we celebrate the day we've been waiting for, graduation from boot camp, we can't help but start thinking about .. only 10 days.. he leaves again in 10 days.. so there is a whisper in the background - Tick Tock.

The 10 days end and as if by magic.. here's comes that clock again - 29 days .. we have 29 days until we see and speak to him again. 30, 20, 10 single digits YAY.
now it's days to spend with him before the next ticker starts - how to enjoy the hours without the clock intruding? it's a balancing act.

On to school... again... tick tock ... how long until graduation this time? 9 months .. another big hooray.. time is now my friend. 9 months he's still safe, 9 months we can breath, 9 more months we can sleep. Though slowly the dark clock is starting to buzz.. the deployment clock.. 9 months until he heads to the operating forces.. 9 months until the reality of his being a Marine hits.. 9 months. During the 9 months were the little tickers.. how many days until the 1st class begins - ends? You can come home for a month?? Yippee !! then the 30 day clock starts again.. how much love, how much fun can you pack into 30 days? Answer is a lot.
Back to the school clock now it's 6 months ... oh wait ... the holidays are coming, he can come home?? how long ? tick tock - he's here- tick tock.. he's gone . tick tock a month to MOS graduation.. can we tell time to stand still? Can I at least try before reality crushes us? Tick Tock is my answer.

Wait ... you get leave before checking in to your unit? 18 days ... He's HOME ... he's gone.. tick tock

Check in day, time to settle into the life of a Marine "in the fleet". The EAS clock is ticking but mercifully all else is quiet. Then the call or text .. we were given our deployment window .. don't worry it's not for a while... like a steam train coming down the tracks...  ticking is threatening to drown out all else, drive all thought from my head. The D word? please not the dreaded D word. But it's inevitable and it's out there now.. so the clock starts again. But wait, look at the calendar - don't allow all this good time to be wasted worrying about what's coming. So the smaller clocks start again, visits, leave.... a chance for dinner. But those damn large clocks are clouding up the horizon.

Along the way, somehow the awakening begins, it starts quietly but then becomes a roar. Life can't revolve around the ends, it will steal from the now. Live in the what you know, not the what ifs. Nothing can put off the day that your Marine, Airmen, Soldier or Sailor has to leave for their next training, next mission or end of leave.

So I try to quiet the ticker that is counting toward the biggie, deployments, and celebrate the present.   It's a work in progress - but at least for the most part I'm somewhat back to the banality of time. I have gone back to the birthdays and meetings .. the lunch dates and holidays. The chance for a dinner with my Marine, visits with his parents and girlfriend... all the happy moments that we'd miss if we allowed the dark side of time to intrude.

Those tickers are always there in the background, quieter now, but never the less -Tick Tock goes the military loved ones clock