What's going on here?

We've all heard Marines say - in the 'old' Marine Corps....  well as a family member I'm starting to say the same.   The changes that are being noticed from the family side are startling and, in a lot of ways, quite upsetting.   It's nothing to do with the military side of things - oh no it has to do with the what's happening in groups across the Internet.    Unprecedented access to information all across the Internet.  Face Book acting as a gateway to others in a gazillion support groups.  A lot of information - not too much worry about the validity of it.    A lot of opinions, but few facts  and .... a lot of not understanding, respecting and bothering to learn about the USMC.   

It's become a free for all in many cases, people searching 'boot camp' and bam; you have your choice of a smorgasbord of groups to join.   Join one, join 5 - the more the merrier it seems!   In those groups are people who are chatting away, answering questions very often from an anecdotal point of view - rarely do you find a factual one.   "I asked MY Marine" ... yeah well your Marine has had 3 months experience and ONLY his experience - how does he know what is supposed to be?   All he knows is what was during his time.   Then the instant know it alls - I mean really!  Everyone is in a position to dispense advice and information after 3 months or 5 months of being in a Face Book group aren't they?   You can take it to the bank that most times they are not.   It's been  noted by many 'old timers'  that some of the seriousness which they approached their son/daughters enlistment and subsequent leaving for boot camp training is not as prevalent now,  it's like a big old party to see who can get away with what instead of learning that it's not what WE want to do and try to do it's all about coloring within the lines the USMC has laid out.   I hear way too often well it's MY CHILD and I can do what I want.    Um no - it's your adult child who is know answering to a higher power and that one trumps you most of the time.    What often gets lost is the warnings from those in the know, that pushing your agenda will not only have an adverse effect on your relationship BUT can also have a blow back effect on your Marine.   By then it's too late, your kid's in a world of hurt answering for your mistakes.   People listen please!!  No one here is looking to spoil your fun - but at the end of it all it's serious business and needs to be treated that way.    We all blow off steam and are silly but the overstepping is out of hand.     

I've had some people opine that 5,6,7 years ago when a recruit shipped off to boot camp it was pretty much with a guarantee that they'd see a combat deployment at least 1 time, if not more, during their first enlistment.  That was regardless of their MOS - if they were infantry you knew 2 or more were in the future.    That is no longer hanging over the heads of families when their recruits ship.  Oh sure there are events happening throughout the world but there are no longer a constant rotation of young men and women rotating in and out of Afghanistan.   Maybe the absence of that sheer terror factor is what has caused people to not 'get it' ...  They worry about phone calls and face time, about RA and back ups - not it seems understanding that the more phone calls / face time the less time spent training.    The more time they spend in the USMC atmosphere, even with MOS back ups, the better off they are.  RA is great but a new Marine will keep his focus on what he's learned and lived much more easily if he stays within the structure.  Oh yes, we miss them, of course we do but again... what may be better for us is not necessarily better for them.  They are gone from home, one foot at home and one in a base is no way to get moving forward.   They along with us have to make that break, understand that for the next few years at least - home is vacation and base is home.  Hard concept that eases a lot of pain later. 

This is a rant, it has no real beginning or end - I may be finished, I may be back to add more but all I know is for your sakes and your service members.   Respect the institution and play by their rules.   You'll be happier in the long run. 

Too much advice, not enough information?

Sept. 18, 2011

Back when I first began this blog I wrote an entry Information is Key.  As I go deeper into this journey of being a family member of a serviceman I find this to still be true.  Now, however, I also have found that the SOURCE of the information is crucial.   Sure, there are people out there ready, willing and able to jump in and give advice. There is a major difference between information and advice.  Information should be based on clearly defined and verifiable sources.  It’s not to state what did happen but what should happen – based on a rule, regulation, order etc.  The problem is that  advice is usually based on their experience, which, in most cases translates to what their enlisted family member experienced.   

I can't be the only one noticing that Face book has groups popping up each day it seems.  Some are great but a lot are like the blind leading the blind when it comes to information and that's a little concerning. 

Now, I’m not saying sharing what happened with your Marine isn’t right or shouldn’t happen.  On the contrary, I think it’s great that people get to see the vast differences in how the USMC is experienced by various Marines.  Even something so simple as boot camp, simple in there is a clear training manual, clear rules and regulations followed by Drill Instructors and their command, yet it’s different for each recruit.  Their perception is different, their recollections may be inflated, (after all, we all know recruits never lie in letters).   One may have a horrible time of it, someone else seemingly breezes through.  Some have DI’s that are all business, some bend the rules a bit.   ALL these differences affect how a recruit will experience boot.  Yet most people, when asked a simple question – can my recruit have protein bars -  will NOT answer; it depends on the Drill instructor, do not send until your recruit requests it.  Nope, there will be a score of following posts, I sent my son a package each week – no problem,  I sent 800 bars no problem. I baked cookies - they loved them!   I sent without his asking – he had to eat them all / I sent without asking and nothing happened  blah blah blah.  Yes, that’s all probably true but the information is what the poster is seeking NOT the advice.  Give the info and let the poster decide what to do at that point. 

It gets more complicated as the Marine goes on, nothing is the same after boot for each one, ITB/MCT/MOS – again there is no same answer for each Marine as to how to expect the path to go.   It’s ever changing, fluid and, especially once they hit the fleet, sometimes dependent on what kind of Marine they are.  The Fleet especially has its own unique way of doing things unit to unit. Then there is taking into account how each BC manages his troops.  Life in the air wing is totally different from life on the groundside.   Logistics Marines will have a completely different time of it than Postal Clerk Marines,  PAO  a world away from Infantry.  

Through all of it though there are certain rules/regs that are consistent.  How to request leave ( how often it’s granted will vary wildly unit to unit).  How notifications are made, field day, drug issues, promotions (even though some MOS’ are notorious for very slow promotions due to cutting scores).  

I’ve learned to participate in the support but when it comes to when I need info I go to the inner circle.  Trust your sources, cultivate those that you know did their due diligence - that are telling you what should be. Read, there is a tremendous amount of information available online.  Research, ask questions, but examine the answers – though it may sound great to hear – Oh , LOL I did that and nothing happened, don’t put your Marine in the position of possibly having to answer for something you did because you received incorrect information.

When it comes to deployments what can or can’t be done is most definitely a unit to unit thing.  Each unit’s location and job will dictate what they can or can’t do or have on a deployment.  If the question is, I haven’t heard from my Marine in 3 days, should I worry.  The answer isn’t YES; I hear from mine every day;  the answer is a question – what job does your Marine have and is his location built up or have no amenities?   A Marine at Leatherneck has much more communication then someone out on an outpost depending on a satellite phone.   Same thing for care packages, needs are totally different.  This is where Family Readiness should be your go to for real information.    Sure ask for care package advice from all your online friends, but think about the locale before sending certain items – no matter how wonderful they sound!

I cherish my circle of support and I wouldn’t know what to do without them.  I had wonderful mentors who I listened to, realizing my 13 weeks of boot camp did not make me an expert it just made me an expert on his 13 weeks of boot camp.  I listened, I read, I asked questions, if given the opportunity I most certainly peppered a few SNCO’s  who, when realizing I was really interested and why , I write a blog for family members, were more then happy to talk to me. 

So find your way, surround yourself with support but filter the information. There are unit pages on line, there are support boards staffed by very knowledgeable people - try not to limit your source to be " I read it on face book so it MUST be true" :-) 

www.usmc.yuku.com
www.parrisisland.yuku.com

Marine Family Networks website

I'm waiting.......

So here I sit, late night once again.  Oh but this time it's different.  This time it's more like when I was a kid and told I was going on a really good vacation - when ? .. soon... where?.. somewhere great.... but when??    When you are little anything other then tomorrow is akin to forever and right now, I've got a foot in tomorrow and the other in forever.

That's sort of how the dog days of a deployment feel.  I know something wonderful is coming, I know I'm really going to like it, the excitement is building but... when ?   I can finally say soon -not too soon but there is definitely more behind then there is ahead.

This Semper Gumby stuff sure gets old quick though.  Yeah, yeah, I understand the reasons for the lack of information, heck I preach it to people myself.  Which by the way is not easy to do - spout the words when you really want to say yeah this stinks.. well no actually it sucks.   A clue maybe?  A hint would be awesome... the rumors are swirling. It's difficult to listen to all the scuttlebutt and not give it some credence.  I know better, but, when you are hearing whispers of what you want to hear .. well then you just want to believe.

All the preparations are starting, the planning, the organizing and the buzzing of anticipation - anything to make time pass.  Then reality sets in and I say, but wait, don't get ahead of yourself.  So much can change, so much can happen and it makes me mad.   Yes I said it, it makes me MAD that even a little joy is tempered with cold water baths of reality.   I think that's the hardest part, not being able to allow ourselves the luxury of just screaming out  Yeah Baby we're almost there.

I'm worn out - weary of cheer leading, of  being cautious in my words, of pushing down the feelings in order to pick up those who really need it.  I'm just tired in general.  I want to skip, give myself permission to enjoy the coming end.  Again, like that little kid I wake up each day and say ... today?  Will I know more today?

In the not too distant future it will be the day - the news will be released, the word passed and I will have the honor of being among those passing that word.  In doing so, I will also have the wonderful feeling of knowing I am part of making others wait come to an end;  of bringing happiness to them by answering the question YES Today is the day!   Make plans, make reservations, get in your car and drive... They are coming home ... Yes Today is the day!

Until then - stay safe, know you're loved, know you're missed, know we are waiting

Off they go - and the journey begins

SHIP DAY _ DAY 1


The day they leave - is probably one of the toughest days ever.   You will cry, you will feel like your lost, you will not function that well in your daily routine.  DO NOT WORRY this is perfectly normal behavior.   Essentially, someone you have kept close tabs on has disappeared into a void.   You feel like you know nothing, you don't know what to expect, you wonder if they are okay, what they are doing each and every second and what you can do to help.  It's like a big black hole has come and swallowed them up.   The thing to remember is that thousands upon thousands of US Marines have passed through those portals and made it just fine.  

• Arrival - When the bus arrives, they are met by receiving Drill Instructors and the indoctrination begins immediately.  Recruits get off the bus, stand on the fabled yellow foot prints and their journey aboard MCRD Parris Island or San Diego begins:
  

http://www.marines.mil/unit/tecom/mcrdparrisisland/Pages/2009/Other%20Months/ParrisIslandthroughtheeyesofnewrecruits.aspx

• Phone call home - each recruit is given the opportunity to make a quick call home - make sure your phone does not have any blocks on it as the call will come from a restricted number.  It is a scripted call, they cannot deviate from the script. You will hear yelling in the background, and your recruit may not sound like their self.   This again is normal, they are in a very new and different environment, have been traveling for possibly hours and a little nervous.  Just scream I LOVE YOU into the phone - no need to listen as this link will tell you what they are saying.

http://parrisisland.yuku.com/topic/21809/t/The-First-Phone-Call-Home.html?page=-1

• this is very important to remember - do NOT worry if you do not receive this "I'm here" phone call.   They did not lose your son/daughter/hubby/wife/bf/gf/nephew/niece/brother/sister.  There are occasions where the recruit either forgets your # or dials incorrectly, most will be too nervous to say anything so... on Tuesday mornings, in random homes across the USA there is someone scratching their head wondering what they heck that 1 AM phone call was all about. 
  

The recruits spend the first few days in RCP or Recruit Processing Platoon.  They are given haircuts, clothing, instructions - their transformation from civilian to Marine has begun.

• Start writing those letters, no you will not have an address yet, but you can start writing so that when you do - those letters are ready to go ! 
• Utilize the recruit message boards, talk to others who have experienced week 1.  I'm not going to lie, it's a tough week.  You want to know are they okay, are they homesick, are they regretting this, what are they thinking, eating, wearing, O M G how am i going to get through 13 weeks of this? 

Okay - again, it's a very emotional day for us, so cry if you want - the urge or need to cry is going to be very close to the surface.  You'll learn later on how to hide it but for now .. just cry.   Then stop and find something, anything to do.  Keeping busy is the best way to get through boot camp.    Oh wait .. you found yourself back on yuku for the millionth time today? searching out any tidbit you may have missed?  Yeah well ... message board addictions occur at an alarming rate, there is only ONE known cure - Graduation.


Now if you've done your reading.. hint hint... you will have read that Boot Camp can be a very stressful/chaotic time for recruits.   It is also a very stressful/chaotic time for loved ones.   The same basic premise for the reasoning applies to both groups.  Your recruits are being trained to be US Marines, you are being trained to be a US Marine loved one.  They are learning that the only thing they need to know is whatever the Drill Instructor tells them.

  We are learning  we no longer are the only authority in their life.   The needs of the Corps will almost always trump anything else we deem important.  You can be bitter and angry when you realize this or  learn to  accept it as your recruit has.  Lack of communication, information, knowledge is a pattern that will be repeated.   It is sometimes a hard thing to come to terms with, there is going to be a small part of what they do that we will never know about.

For the most part they are trained to not attach emotion to what they are doing - so 'how did you feel when..." is a question  that will be met with a blank stare.  They didn't feel - they just did.   Yes I know... we all want to know the magic formula to transform the civilian who had to be asked to pick up his/her socks 10 times before it was done to one who will follow his Drill Instructors order immediately and without question.  Alas, it is a deeply guarded secret.  Each Drill Instructor, while trained the same, is as different as each recruit is. What works on one recruit may not motivate another recruit.

The first night is a tough one, mostly we're worn out from the emotions of the day so we can sleep.   There's no way around the fact that your last waking thought and first in the morning will be of your recruit.  I'm really not sure how it happens, and so quickly, but every single thing that was important yesterday has taken a back seat.   You have gone into hyper focus - your thoughts are never far from Parris Island.   It's not unusual to find yourself in the midst of a conversation regarding the weather and jump in with ... hmm I wonder if it's a black flag day on PI".  The person you are speaking to will more then likely not have a clue as to what you're talking about.  Continue on as if nothing happened.  This won't be the last time, you will become quite skilled at finding a way to work your recruits name into any topic of conversation.  It becomes a high art form.

Example; Friend, " I am training to climb Mt. Everest next year",  your reply, "Wow that's nice.  I wonder if Recruit has any mountain training at boot camp.    Talk about training hard, have I told you what Recruit is doing today"?  Then whip out your handy matrix and show it to your friend.

This gets a little better as time goes on, but for the most part, yeah you're most likely a bit obsessed.  It's okay, we understand.

to be continued........