Too much advice, not enough information?

Sept. 18, 2011

Back when I first began this blog I wrote an entry Information is Key.  As I go deeper into this journey of being a family member of a serviceman I find this to still be true.  Now, however, I also have found that the SOURCE of the information is crucial.   Sure, there are people out there ready, willing and able to jump in and give advice. There is a major difference between information and advice.  Information should be based on clearly defined and verifiable sources.  It’s not to state what did happen but what should happen – based on a rule, regulation, order etc.  The problem is that  advice is usually based on their experience, which, in most cases translates to what their enlisted family member experienced.   

I can't be the only one noticing that Face book has groups popping up each day it seems.  Some are great but a lot are like the blind leading the blind when it comes to information and that's a little concerning. 

Now, I’m not saying sharing what happened with your Marine isn’t right or shouldn’t happen.  On the contrary, I think it’s great that people get to see the vast differences in how the USMC is experienced by various Marines.  Even something so simple as boot camp, simple in there is a clear training manual, clear rules and regulations followed by Drill Instructors and their command, yet it’s different for each recruit.  Their perception is different, their recollections may be inflated, (after all, we all know recruits never lie in letters).   One may have a horrible time of it, someone else seemingly breezes through.  Some have DI’s that are all business, some bend the rules a bit.   ALL these differences affect how a recruit will experience boot.  Yet most people, when asked a simple question – can my recruit have protein bars -  will NOT answer; it depends on the Drill instructor, do not send until your recruit requests it.  Nope, there will be a score of following posts, I sent my son a package each week – no problem,  I sent 800 bars no problem. I baked cookies - they loved them!   I sent without his asking – he had to eat them all / I sent without asking and nothing happened  blah blah blah.  Yes, that’s all probably true but the information is what the poster is seeking NOT the advice.  Give the info and let the poster decide what to do at that point. 

It gets more complicated as the Marine goes on, nothing is the same after boot for each one, ITB/MCT/MOS – again there is no same answer for each Marine as to how to expect the path to go.   It’s ever changing, fluid and, especially once they hit the fleet, sometimes dependent on what kind of Marine they are.  The Fleet especially has its own unique way of doing things unit to unit. Then there is taking into account how each BC manages his troops.  Life in the air wing is totally different from life on the groundside.   Logistics Marines will have a completely different time of it than Postal Clerk Marines,  PAO  a world away from Infantry.  

Through all of it though there are certain rules/regs that are consistent.  How to request leave ( how often it’s granted will vary wildly unit to unit).  How notifications are made, field day, drug issues, promotions (even though some MOS’ are notorious for very slow promotions due to cutting scores).  

I’ve learned to participate in the support but when it comes to when I need info I go to the inner circle.  Trust your sources, cultivate those that you know did their due diligence - that are telling you what should be. Read, there is a tremendous amount of information available online.  Research, ask questions, but examine the answers – though it may sound great to hear – Oh , LOL I did that and nothing happened, don’t put your Marine in the position of possibly having to answer for something you did because you received incorrect information.

When it comes to deployments what can or can’t be done is most definitely a unit to unit thing.  Each unit’s location and job will dictate what they can or can’t do or have on a deployment.  If the question is, I haven’t heard from my Marine in 3 days, should I worry.  The answer isn’t YES; I hear from mine every day;  the answer is a question – what job does your Marine have and is his location built up or have no amenities?   A Marine at Leatherneck has much more communication then someone out on an outpost depending on a satellite phone.   Same thing for care packages, needs are totally different.  This is where Family Readiness should be your go to for real information.    Sure ask for care package advice from all your online friends, but think about the locale before sending certain items – no matter how wonderful they sound!

I cherish my circle of support and I wouldn’t know what to do without them.  I had wonderful mentors who I listened to, realizing my 13 weeks of boot camp did not make me an expert it just made me an expert on his 13 weeks of boot camp.  I listened, I read, I asked questions, if given the opportunity I most certainly peppered a few SNCO’s  who, when realizing I was really interested and why , I write a blog for family members, were more then happy to talk to me. 

So find your way, surround yourself with support but filter the information. There are unit pages on line, there are support boards staffed by very knowledgeable people - try not to limit your source to be " I read it on face book so it MUST be true" :-) 

www.usmc.yuku.com
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Marine Family Networks website

Tick Tock goes the Clock

Time .. minutes, days, weeks, months, years - they take on a new meaning when you have someone in the military.

Oh don' t get me wrong, in our regular everyday, ( read pre-military ), lives there are plenty of times when time and the calendar play a large role. We mark meetings, birthdays, vacations, special events and go on about our business. What I have found, post enlistment, for me, time has become a living breathing entity that has a constant presence. Time is both my friend and my enemy, sometimes at the same time!

It's as if there were suddenly all these tickers clicking simultaneously in my head. First, the countdown to his shipping off to boot camp... 3 months .. everything seems to be focused on that 3 months left.

Ship day comes and another clock starts - 13 weeks of boot camp, and the realization that there is another much larger ticker -the one that marks the end of his first active duty enlistment.. that's the big ticker that is on all the time running in the background. It's silent, but it's there.

Of course when the boot camp ticker starts, we move onto the marking off on the calendar of the weeks .. then days left in boot camp (another topic that will be written about in depth by the way). During boot there was the weekly letter ticker - Thursdays were a favorite day around here ! While this is happening we follow the training matrix as if it holds the answer to eternal youth. A week to rifle qualification, the gas chamber, the final written test, final PFT and the biggie .. gulp.. the Crucible.. a long 54 hour wait for anyone with a recruit in Marine Corp boot camp. Then the longest and shortest week - the one leading to graduation... a week, then day countdown. We get to see him.. and hug him.. and take him home .. hooray!

While we celebrate the day we've been waiting for, graduation from boot camp, we can't help but start thinking about .. only 10 days.. he leaves again in 10 days.. so there is a whisper in the background - Tick Tock.

The 10 days end and as if by magic.. here's comes that clock again - 29 days .. we have 29 days until we see and speak to him again. 30, 20, 10 single digits YAY.
now it's days to spend with him before the next ticker starts - how to enjoy the hours without the clock intruding? it's a balancing act.

On to school... again... tick tock ... how long until graduation this time? 9 months .. another big hooray.. time is now my friend. 9 months he's still safe, 9 months we can breath, 9 more months we can sleep. Though slowly the dark clock is starting to buzz.. the deployment clock.. 9 months until he heads to the operating forces.. 9 months until the reality of his being a Marine hits.. 9 months. During the 9 months were the little tickers.. how many days until the 1st class begins - ends? You can come home for a month?? Yippee !! then the 30 day clock starts again.. how much love, how much fun can you pack into 30 days? Answer is a lot.
Back to the school clock now it's 6 months ... oh wait ... the holidays are coming, he can come home?? how long ? tick tock - he's here- tick tock.. he's gone . tick tock a month to MOS graduation.. can we tell time to stand still? Can I at least try before reality crushes us? Tick Tock is my answer.

Wait ... you get leave before checking in to your unit? 18 days ... He's HOME ... he's gone.. tick tock

Check in day, time to settle into the life of a Marine "in the fleet". The EAS clock is ticking but mercifully all else is quiet. Then the call or text .. we were given our deployment window .. don't worry it's not for a while... like a steam train coming down the tracks...  ticking is threatening to drown out all else, drive all thought from my head. The D word? please not the dreaded D word. But it's inevitable and it's out there now.. so the clock starts again. But wait, look at the calendar - don't allow all this good time to be wasted worrying about what's coming. So the smaller clocks start again, visits, leave.... a chance for dinner. But those damn large clocks are clouding up the horizon.

Along the way, somehow the awakening begins, it starts quietly but then becomes a roar. Life can't revolve around the ends, it will steal from the now. Live in the what you know, not the what ifs. Nothing can put off the day that your Marine, Airmen, Soldier or Sailor has to leave for their next training, next mission or end of leave.

So I try to quiet the ticker that is counting toward the biggie, deployments, and celebrate the present.   It's a work in progress - but at least for the most part I'm somewhat back to the banality of time. I have gone back to the birthdays and meetings .. the lunch dates and holidays. The chance for a dinner with my Marine, visits with his parents and girlfriend... all the happy moments that we'd miss if we allowed the dark side of time to intrude.

Those tickers are always there in the background, quieter now, but never the less -Tick Tock goes the military loved ones clock