THE WAR IS OVER !?!?!?!!?

AH don't we wish!   It seems as if you can't turn on a news station or pick up a newspaper and not see the big bold headline " THE WAR IS OVER".   Sadly most people don't bother to read or listen further then the first few words and miss the most important part - In IRAQ!   The last time I, and I'm sure most you, checked things were still going strong in Afghanistan.  

Yes, the op tempo seems to have slowed down slightly, battalions, for the most part, are not on as a predictable schedule any longer. But... unless I've lost my mind, which after 3 years of this is entirely possible,  there's still quite a few of us either saying or gearing up to say our see you soon's to those faces we love so dearly. 

I have been stared at with complete dumbfounded expressions when I mention my Marine is making another trip to the big Ugly place. "Buuuut why? the war is over", is what I'm told with confusion written all over the face of the friend or acquaintance uttering that sentence.   Now - what a moment for me, part of me is ready to lash out at the person unfortunate enough to say this to me.  Then I remember, I am immersed in this life, I am privy to the comings and goings of units, I am tuned into the reality of what is put out there in the media is not necessarily truly reflecting what is happening.  Mostly I remember that a few short years ago I too was clueless to the reality of what was happening and bought in, pretty much hook, line and sinker, to the headlines.  I didn't know of this special underpinning of American society known as the military family.  That's not to say I was not well read in regard to the news of the day nor was I not well informed..  I just didn't take it further then - wow .. so the war is over great news!3  I think sometimes we forget how nice it was to be a bit ignorant of the realities of the military and how the bold headlines screaming great news, the TV running clips of Army soldiers reunited with their families did not necessarily tell the whole story.  

So what do I do when confronted with that maddening phrase - but the war is over?  I educated friends,  I don't get mad, indignant, insulted or annoyed.  I look at is as a teaching moment, a way to inform and pass on the word that NO the war is not over - just the war in Iraq is.   I share that the Marines, Sailors,Airmen and Soldiers are still leaving every day to fight in Afghanistan, that that war is going strong, still deadly and still requiring a constant supply of young men and women to support the efforts.     I see a lot of posting of people who are getting mad and lashing out at those who are ill informed -  so here's a suggestion, save the righteous indignation and use the moment, offer the person not only information but a way to help - tell them about making a donation to Semper Fi Sisters, Hope for the Warriors, Wounded Warrior Foundation, IAVA, Still in the Fight- tell them they can help out a military member by going to anysoldier.com or soldiersangels.com and make a difference in a young man or woman's deployment by showing their support via a care package.  You'll feel better for not getting your blood pressure up and, you'll probably find, the person you are talking to will be receptive.  We all are so aware of all these organizations but the average person has no idea they even exist.  Turn a bad moment into a wonderful opportunity.  How great is that? 

Silence... is it golden?

With all the information we all share .. how much is too much?  Is there a point that we cross the line, intrude on others?  I'm struggling with this dilemma for the past few days.   Is my need to be involved also taking precedence over some one's right to privacy and more importantly, right to finding his own way?

The quiet - sometimes there is a need to go quiet. 

Whether it's a family member or your service member - silence is not always bad.  I find I need to distance myself at times from it all and just be with my own thoughts; to gain focus again.  

Of course there is the other side to it, someone who is silent can also be drowning and in need of help.  The trick is in how to figure out which situation is presenting itself.     

If I find a friend who has been fairly good at communicating suddenly drop out I reach out.   Not publicly in a post, but in a private message and ask if all is okay.  If it's just the case of their needing to be quiet for whatever reason, then I respect that.   l let them know I'm here for them and leave it be.   If it's someone who is obviously in distress and can't ask for help, then I extend the hand and hope they reach for it.  There's a fine line between intruding and interest and sometimes hard to negotiate without hard feelings or missteps.  

With our service members it's a little more difficult.   Their situation is more complicated - it can be a problem with their command, other's in their unit,  news they are being told that they can't share, deployment, dealing with the aftermath of being deployed.   It's a slippery slope that we have to learn to navigate, when are we hovering... when are we pushing to hard, or not hard enough?  When is it them not knowing how to communicate what they are feeling or that natural distancing that comes with just growing up? 

I read somewhere that the average Marine recruit entering boot camp at 17 or 18 will mature the equivalent of 2 years in that 3 month period.  To me that's astounding!  How are we supposed to catch up when our time frames have remained at the status quo?   Were we supposed to be able to make that leap as well? 

It's hard to discern when the need for quiet is healthy for myself as well.  I don't really want to be talking all Marines all the time, some days I want to make believe it doesn't exist at all.   I draw back from the constant chatter and posting, not because I don't care but possibly because I begin to care too much.   I hope I don't insult someone or hurt their feelings when I explain it's just me needing some distance.   Some get it, some don't.  I hope I'm one of those that 'get' it when the shoe is on the other foot.   I want to make sure I am respecting every one's wants and needs - my friends and my serviceman's.


This learning curve and living out loud is a process that takes some getting used to. How much is too much?

Rainy Day's and Monday's

a less then stellar day - oh .. don't get me wrong, life is good.. me not so much.   It's never a good sign when the day starts off by crying in the shower.  What set me off you might ask ?   It's nothing tangible, it's nothing concrete, it just is the weight, the knowledge, the truth of loving someone in the military.  Most days I can wind my way through, seemingly without a care in the world, then there are THOSE days.. you all know, we all have them.

Was it a dream..  a careless remark by a friend in passing... or something as simple as too many people inquiring about my Marine nephew?   Is it my empathy for a fellow military loved one who's having a tough time?  Maybe it's just Monday.

More then likely it's just that today I don't want to be strong, today I don't want to make believe he's just on a camping trip, today I can't push the knowledge of an impending deployment away.    No .. today I just want to give in.  So I do... just for today.  I look at it as a chance to recharge the core that I depend on for my strength the rest of the days.  So I cry, I watch all those youtube videos that I know I shouldn't, I allow myself the luxury of emotion.

Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will be strong.. tomorrow I'll help out someone else having a "day".. but today.. hmm today I'll just let happen.

Information is Key

    Today is all about information.  For me the most unsettling and upsetting part of enlistment was my complete and total lack of knowledge.   Thankfully, we live in the information age and a plethora of just that was a key stroke away - or so I thought.   Connecting with others and finding real information is not as easy as I had first imagined it would be.  After poring through pages and searches, which led to other searches and other pages,  I stumbled upon a link that saved my sanity.  www.parrisisland.yuku.com   All things Marine boot camp, answers, chat rooms and a connection with others who were either going through this along side me or had been there before.  I wouldn't say that this completely eased the stress but it did lower my levels to a manageable point.

    For parents it's sending your baby who you've been watching as closely as a hawk, into the great unknown.  For wives, husbands, girl friends/boy friends - you are having someone leave that should be, according to most in society, staying by your side.   For us extended family members it's a little different but no less upsetting.   For all but the spouse/partners it's the child/nephew/niece that you've been carefully sheltering from danger going off, willingly, into harms way.   In this day and age we can talk to them, text them, GPS their phones to find them and contact them at any given moment and now they are going off into what feels like a big black hole.

   What will they be doing? How will they be feeling? What... Why... How.... Where....

    I found my answers - hopefully some of the links below will help you find yours !


All Branches

http://www.allmilitary.com/board/

http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individual.asp?gid=273

Marine Corps

 

www.parrisisland.yuku.com    all things boot camp related

www.usmc.yuku.com          combat school and beyond

Army 

http://www.armybasic.org/portal/index.php

http://forums.military.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/2681962206/m/1241902096/p/44

http://www.marriedtothearmy.com

Air Force


http://www.militarymoms.net/airforcebasic.html

Navy

http://www.navy.com/messageboard/index.jspa

http://www.navy4moms.com

Coast Guard

http://www.uscg.org/?uscg-forum=*http://www.uscg.org/forum/

http://www.coastguardfamily.org


If anyone has other sites or message boards that they find useful, please, leave it for me in the comments and I will add to the list above.

Suggested Reading -

Hey Mom! I Joined the Marines!: They May Have Enlisted, but We Were Drafted by Teri A. Laughery (Paperback - Oct. 26, 2009)

Into The Crucible: Making Marines for the 21st Century 

Keeping Faith: A Father-Son Story About Love and the U.S. Marine Corps 

An Army ABC Book 
Separated By Duty, United In Love (revised): Guide to Long Distance Relationships for Military Couples (Updated) 

Tick Tock goes the Clock

Time .. minutes, days, weeks, months, years - they take on a new meaning when you have someone in the military.

Oh don' t get me wrong, in our regular everyday, ( read pre-military ), lives there are plenty of times when time and the calendar play a large role. We mark meetings, birthdays, vacations, special events and go on about our business. What I have found, post enlistment, for me, time has become a living breathing entity that has a constant presence. Time is both my friend and my enemy, sometimes at the same time!

It's as if there were suddenly all these tickers clicking simultaneously in my head. First, the countdown to his shipping off to boot camp... 3 months .. everything seems to be focused on that 3 months left.

Ship day comes and another clock starts - 13 weeks of boot camp, and the realization that there is another much larger ticker -the one that marks the end of his first active duty enlistment.. that's the big ticker that is on all the time running in the background. It's silent, but it's there.

Of course when the boot camp ticker starts, we move onto the marking off on the calendar of the weeks .. then days left in boot camp (another topic that will be written about in depth by the way). During boot there was the weekly letter ticker - Thursdays were a favorite day around here ! While this is happening we follow the training matrix as if it holds the answer to eternal youth. A week to rifle qualification, the gas chamber, the final written test, final PFT and the biggie .. gulp.. the Crucible.. a long 54 hour wait for anyone with a recruit in Marine Corp boot camp. Then the longest and shortest week - the one leading to graduation... a week, then day countdown. We get to see him.. and hug him.. and take him home .. hooray!

While we celebrate the day we've been waiting for, graduation from boot camp, we can't help but start thinking about .. only 10 days.. he leaves again in 10 days.. so there is a whisper in the background - Tick Tock.

The 10 days end and as if by magic.. here's comes that clock again - 29 days .. we have 29 days until we see and speak to him again. 30, 20, 10 single digits YAY.
now it's days to spend with him before the next ticker starts - how to enjoy the hours without the clock intruding? it's a balancing act.

On to school... again... tick tock ... how long until graduation this time? 9 months .. another big hooray.. time is now my friend. 9 months he's still safe, 9 months we can breath, 9 more months we can sleep. Though slowly the dark clock is starting to buzz.. the deployment clock.. 9 months until he heads to the operating forces.. 9 months until the reality of his being a Marine hits.. 9 months. During the 9 months were the little tickers.. how many days until the 1st class begins - ends? You can come home for a month?? Yippee !! then the 30 day clock starts again.. how much love, how much fun can you pack into 30 days? Answer is a lot.
Back to the school clock now it's 6 months ... oh wait ... the holidays are coming, he can come home?? how long ? tick tock - he's here- tick tock.. he's gone . tick tock a month to MOS graduation.. can we tell time to stand still? Can I at least try before reality crushes us? Tick Tock is my answer.

Wait ... you get leave before checking in to your unit? 18 days ... He's HOME ... he's gone.. tick tock

Check in day, time to settle into the life of a Marine "in the fleet". The EAS clock is ticking but mercifully all else is quiet. Then the call or text .. we were given our deployment window .. don't worry it's not for a while... like a steam train coming down the tracks...  ticking is threatening to drown out all else, drive all thought from my head. The D word? please not the dreaded D word. But it's inevitable and it's out there now.. so the clock starts again. But wait, look at the calendar - don't allow all this good time to be wasted worrying about what's coming. So the smaller clocks start again, visits, leave.... a chance for dinner. But those damn large clocks are clouding up the horizon.

Along the way, somehow the awakening begins, it starts quietly but then becomes a roar. Life can't revolve around the ends, it will steal from the now. Live in the what you know, not the what ifs. Nothing can put off the day that your Marine, Airmen, Soldier or Sailor has to leave for their next training, next mission or end of leave.

So I try to quiet the ticker that is counting toward the biggie, deployments, and celebrate the present.   It's a work in progress - but at least for the most part I'm somewhat back to the banality of time. I have gone back to the birthdays and meetings .. the lunch dates and holidays. The chance for a dinner with my Marine, visits with his parents and girlfriend... all the happy moments that we'd miss if we allowed the dark side of time to intrude.

Those tickers are always there in the background, quieter now, but never the less -Tick Tock goes the military loved ones clock

They enlisted... We were drafted

Welcome to my humble blogging beginning... I am a family member of a United States Marine. I am going to chronicle the journey that any one who has a loved one in the Military embarks on from the moment we hear the words .. "I've enlisted!!"
In the last year the USMC especially has shown record #'s of newly enlisted recruits. This translates to lot of us out there all trying to walk this path with our service member, some of us have found support groups - some are walking the path alone. I have been involved with my Marine's journey from the moment he called me, excited as all get out, with those exact words. There is a spotlight on Mom's of Military members, but, not a lot of places to go for other military loved ones, so hopefully, this will provide an outlet for all of you out there.
As I am a family member of a Marine the info I provide may be skewed toward the USMC, but, the feelings are not - no matter which branch of service your loved one is in.. the feelings are the same for all of us.

What this will not be is a place to post derogatory comments about the US Military. What is will be is a place to share your experiences, read about mine and hold each other close as we navigate the sometimes rocky, sometimes joy filled but always proud path our servicemen and women have put us on.

Please leave me a comment, let me know what you think! Give me an idea on topics .. let's discuss I know you all have something to say or add !

Thanks !