I'm waiting.......

So here I sit, late night once again.  Oh but this time it's different.  This time it's more like when I was a kid and told I was going on a really good vacation - when ? .. soon... where?.. somewhere great.... but when??    When you are little anything other then tomorrow is akin to forever and right now, I've got a foot in tomorrow and the other in forever.

That's sort of how the dog days of a deployment feel.  I know something wonderful is coming, I know I'm really going to like it, the excitement is building but... when ?   I can finally say soon -not too soon but there is definitely more behind then there is ahead.

This Semper Gumby stuff sure gets old quick though.  Yeah, yeah, I understand the reasons for the lack of information, heck I preach it to people myself.  Which by the way is not easy to do - spout the words when you really want to say yeah this stinks.. well no actually it sucks.   A clue maybe?  A hint would be awesome... the rumors are swirling. It's difficult to listen to all the scuttlebutt and not give it some credence.  I know better, but, when you are hearing whispers of what you want to hear .. well then you just want to believe.

All the preparations are starting, the planning, the organizing and the buzzing of anticipation - anything to make time pass.  Then reality sets in and I say, but wait, don't get ahead of yourself.  So much can change, so much can happen and it makes me mad.   Yes I said it, it makes me MAD that even a little joy is tempered with cold water baths of reality.   I think that's the hardest part, not being able to allow ourselves the luxury of just screaming out  Yeah Baby we're almost there.

I'm worn out - weary of cheer leading, of  being cautious in my words, of pushing down the feelings in order to pick up those who really need it.  I'm just tired in general.  I want to skip, give myself permission to enjoy the coming end.  Again, like that little kid I wake up each day and say ... today?  Will I know more today?

In the not too distant future it will be the day - the news will be released, the word passed and I will have the honor of being among those passing that word.  In doing so, I will also have the wonderful feeling of knowing I am part of making others wait come to an end;  of bringing happiness to them by answering the question YES Today is the day!   Make plans, make reservations, get in your car and drive... They are coming home ... Yes Today is the day!

Until then - stay safe, know you're loved, know you're missed, know we are waiting