Off they go - and the journey begins

SHIP DAY _ DAY 1


The day they leave - is probably one of the toughest days ever.   You will cry, you will feel like your lost, you will not function that well in your daily routine.  DO NOT WORRY this is perfectly normal behavior.   Essentially, someone you have kept close tabs on has disappeared into a void.   You feel like you know nothing, you don't know what to expect, you wonder if they are okay, what they are doing each and every second and what you can do to help.  It's like a big black hole has come and swallowed them up.   The thing to remember is that thousands upon thousands of US Marines have passed through those portals and made it just fine.  

• Arrival - When the bus arrives, they are met by receiving Drill Instructors and the indoctrination begins immediately.  Recruits get off the bus, stand on the fabled yellow foot prints and their journey aboard MCRD Parris Island or San Diego begins:
  

http://www.marines.mil/unit/tecom/mcrdparrisisland/Pages/2009/Other%20Months/ParrisIslandthroughtheeyesofnewrecruits.aspx

• Phone call home - each recruit is given the opportunity to make a quick call home - make sure your phone does not have any blocks on it as the call will come from a restricted number.  It is a scripted call, they cannot deviate from the script. You will hear yelling in the background, and your recruit may not sound like their self.   This again is normal, they are in a very new and different environment, have been traveling for possibly hours and a little nervous.  Just scream I LOVE YOU into the phone - no need to listen as this link will tell you what they are saying.

http://parrisisland.yuku.com/topic/21809/t/The-First-Phone-Call-Home.html?page=-1

• this is very important to remember - do NOT worry if you do not receive this "I'm here" phone call.   They did not lose your son/daughter/hubby/wife/bf/gf/nephew/niece/brother/sister.  There are occasions where the recruit either forgets your # or dials incorrectly, most will be too nervous to say anything so... on Tuesday mornings, in random homes across the USA there is someone scratching their head wondering what they heck that 1 AM phone call was all about. 
  

The recruits spend the first few days in RCP or Recruit Processing Platoon.  They are given haircuts, clothing, instructions - their transformation from civilian to Marine has begun.

• Start writing those letters, no you will not have an address yet, but you can start writing so that when you do - those letters are ready to go ! 
• Utilize the recruit message boards, talk to others who have experienced week 1.  I'm not going to lie, it's a tough week.  You want to know are they okay, are they homesick, are they regretting this, what are they thinking, eating, wearing, O M G how am i going to get through 13 weeks of this? 

Okay - again, it's a very emotional day for us, so cry if you want - the urge or need to cry is going to be very close to the surface.  You'll learn later on how to hide it but for now .. just cry.   Then stop and find something, anything to do.  Keeping busy is the best way to get through boot camp.    Oh wait .. you found yourself back on yuku for the millionth time today? searching out any tidbit you may have missed?  Yeah well ... message board addictions occur at an alarming rate, there is only ONE known cure - Graduation.


Now if you've done your reading.. hint hint... you will have read that Boot Camp can be a very stressful/chaotic time for recruits.   It is also a very stressful/chaotic time for loved ones.   The same basic premise for the reasoning applies to both groups.  Your recruits are being trained to be US Marines, you are being trained to be a US Marine loved one.  They are learning that the only thing they need to know is whatever the Drill Instructor tells them.

  We are learning  we no longer are the only authority in their life.   The needs of the Corps will almost always trump anything else we deem important.  You can be bitter and angry when you realize this or  learn to  accept it as your recruit has.  Lack of communication, information, knowledge is a pattern that will be repeated.   It is sometimes a hard thing to come to terms with, there is going to be a small part of what they do that we will never know about.

For the most part they are trained to not attach emotion to what they are doing - so 'how did you feel when..." is a question  that will be met with a blank stare.  They didn't feel - they just did.   Yes I know... we all want to know the magic formula to transform the civilian who had to be asked to pick up his/her socks 10 times before it was done to one who will follow his Drill Instructors order immediately and without question.  Alas, it is a deeply guarded secret.  Each Drill Instructor, while trained the same, is as different as each recruit is. What works on one recruit may not motivate another recruit.

The first night is a tough one, mostly we're worn out from the emotions of the day so we can sleep.   There's no way around the fact that your last waking thought and first in the morning will be of your recruit.  I'm really not sure how it happens, and so quickly, but every single thing that was important yesterday has taken a back seat.   You have gone into hyper focus - your thoughts are never far from Parris Island.   It's not unusual to find yourself in the midst of a conversation regarding the weather and jump in with ... hmm I wonder if it's a black flag day on PI".  The person you are speaking to will more then likely not have a clue as to what you're talking about.  Continue on as if nothing happened.  This won't be the last time, you will become quite skilled at finding a way to work your recruits name into any topic of conversation.  It becomes a high art form.

Example; Friend, " I am training to climb Mt. Everest next year",  your reply, "Wow that's nice.  I wonder if Recruit has any mountain training at boot camp.    Talk about training hard, have I told you what Recruit is doing today"?  Then whip out your handy matrix and show it to your friend.

This gets a little better as time goes on, but for the most part, yeah you're most likely a bit obsessed.  It's okay, we understand.

to be continued........

Boot Camp for Loved Ones.

I've been asked by newbies to blog about the boot camp experience ... ohhh boot camp, who knew then that it was the easiest part of the ride ?   In preparation I reread the letters I sent and received while my then recruit was on Parris Island.   I laughed, I cried and I remembered...

I've tried to put together what I consider to be Boot Camp For Loved Ones.   While this is geared to the USMC, I'm sure the sentiments and advice is not limited to the Marines.  None of the Boot Camp Blogs will be straightforward facts.  The boot camp experience is a roller coaster of emotions, you ramble, you cry, you get silly, you get angry.  This blog will sometimes mirror that, memories of boot camp come back in a wave, not a drop or day at a time, and it's hard to separate that out.  There are days that stand out for all of us - but for the most part, in hindsight, it's one big blur. 

Things you need to know before they ship - Poolee loved ones 

• Get on the internet, start googling their branch of service and 'boot' or "basic" training.  Learn about their options, what their choices are for their military careers.   Information, information, information.... is your new best friend! 

• Meet their recruiter, ask questions ( see hint # one)
• Look at their contract before they sign, make sure all agreed upon points are written IN the contract. 
• understand that no matter how you feel about your loved ones decision to enlist- if you are sitting in a recruiters office there is not much left stopping your soon to be recruit from signing on the dotted line.  They would join and blindly sign anything put in front of them.   Make sure they understand that you are just making sure they are getting whatever is agreed to - not looking for loopholes :-)

• Find and familiarize yourself with a support board geared towards boot camp.  Read through old posts, read all the threads that explain the boot camp experience. Ask questions, in chat rooms and posts.  No question is silly - every single person there is either new or has stood in your shoes.  We all had questions and people to answer them. 

www.parrisisland.yuku.com
www.recruitparents.com

This is an experience that is hard for anyone who has not been through it understand.  I have a large circle of friends and, though interested, it was apparent very quickly that they just didn't 'get it'.  You also find yourself on one track - you can't seem to have a conversation that lasts more then 2 minutes without somehow working the name of your recruit into the conversation. Talking in the chat rooms gives you and audience that understands.  The connections you make among other military family's is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
 

• Buy stamps, white envelopes -make friends with the mailman/woman - you will count them among your closest friends in 13 weeks.

• MEPS - Find out if you can go to MEPS to see your soon to be recruit swear in.  Some recruits prefer to say their good byes at home.   This is your first important lesson - this is not about YOU it's about your recruit - no matter how much it hurts, respect their requests... our job at home is to make things as stress free as possible for our recruits/Marines.  This includes having their needs, when it pertains to their requests, take precedence over what WE want.

• Get on the internet, start googling their branch of service and 'boot' or "basic" training.   Information, information, information.... is your new best friend!   

http://www.mcrdpi.usmc.mil/index.asp

• Search out support groups in your area - Blue Star Mothers is a good place to start

 and take a deep breath, now another.   They will survive this and you will too - really - I promise.  You'll be stronger, you'll be proud, you'll be the loved one of an service member in the US Military.

Father's Day

Father's Day - this is with Chris in mind, a friend who exemplifies what a Dad and a Marine Dad is all about.  Your expressions of love, sadness, weakness, strength, happiness, understanding, pride and love are examples for all to follow.

One can't help but think about all the kid's missing their father today and all the dad's missing their kids.  

For you dad's that said goodbye to your son's as they set off on their military career; While your hearts may be heavy missing them, your gift is in knowing your part in raising such fine young men!  Dad's who may not get a call, text or email today, since their sons are deployed without daily access to any type of communication - I hope the pride in your son's and the job's they are doing should hopefully ease the dull pain of missing them.   Your guidance, knowledge, caring and love are a part of who your son's have become today - men willing to sacrifice the time spent with you and their family's to insure our life and freedoms remain intact.

For the young and no so young dad's who can't be with their children today, won't get the messy breakfast so lovingly prepared, won't be awakened by giggles, hugs and kisses and squeals of Happy Father's Day!  Words simply don't suffice.  We appreciate your willingness to give up this precious time with your own family to do your part in keeping our country free.    For the first time dad's, some of whom may not have even met their new baby yet, there is a special place for all of you in my heart today.   

This is yet another cost of war, another unseen sacrifice that our servicemen, ( and women), make.   In lands far away, looking at their children, who are growing so quickly as children do, on computer screens via skype, in pictures sent.  The children that they worry - have I been gone so long or often that they won't know me?  Rest assured, they know you, your family is keeping you in the forefront of your child's world. 

My wish for you all is that next year, you celebrate with each other !

the epic battle

I had something happen last night in the boot camp chat room and it's not the first time, will not be the last time and upsets me each time it happens.

The great mom vs girlfriend/wife struggle.

People!!! Please stop!!!!!  This isn't a contest, it's not a debate, it's apples and oranges really.

It's also something I hear after boot camp, recurring during leave and liberty. But , probably due to the emotions of boot camp - it's more prevalent there.  

Parents lamenting that the 'wife/girlfriend' gets more letters, the 'wife/girlfriend' got the phone call.   Wives/Girlfriends complaining that the 'mom' won't let her son grow up, the 'mom' expects to come first.   My least favorite ... the "I'm going to get that first hug on Family Day".   OH STOP IT!  this isn't a race to the death, it's NOT about us... it's NOT about who's first or last - it's about THEM!  Do you really think that the first hug means more to your newly graduated Marine then the 2nd, 3rd or last one?  Absolutely not - he just cares that all the people he loves are there and hugging him.   Does he love you more if you get the first hug ... really??? 

Our job as loved ones is to create a calm atmosphere for our recruit/new Marine.  They don't want the angst and anxiety of an epic emotional struggle.  It's not fair to put them in that position.  We learned this in kindergarten and it's one of the best lessons life teaches us .. Share, be generous - it will make it all much easier in the long run.  

If you get a letter, share it with the 'other' woman in his life.   When they go off to boot camp it's emotionally wrenching for all concerned.  You don't miss him more, you miss him differently.  Parents miss their sons, their presence in their homes, Girlfriends/wives miss their partners.    Yes sometimes we feel they have not made the right choice - but - they have made a choice to be with this person and nothing will change that.   No not all g/f's or wives are cut out to be with someone in the military, again that's a learning process that has to be worked out by them.  Certainly our telling them it's not the right person isn't going to change it!   Use the 3 months to forge a relationship with each other ... you may think you have nothing in common - but in reality you have something huge in common - your recruit and missing them.  Relationships are begun with much less then that at their foundations.  As a Mom - consider that this person is someone your son/daughter loves and cares about - As a girlfriend/wife remember that the Mom carried your loved one for 9 months, raised them and now had to watch them go off to do something terrifying.  Be sympathetic.   Plan a lunch, go out for coffee - one thing's for sure .. neither of you will tire of talking or hearing about your recruit.  Girlfriends - you may learn something about the boy that was - Mom's you may learn something about the man that is.

It can be so easy or made to be so hard.   If you keep the thought that whatever you do here is for your recruit/Marine it makes it more palpable.  You don't want your new Marine, home on boot leave, to have to start making choices about who to spend time with.  Plan dinners and invite the girlfriend/wife.  Include each other.   If you're the girlfriend, remember someone else loves this man, make sure you go to his parents house and he spends time with them too. 

I have had the pleasure of witnessing a mom and a girlfriend who have done all of the above.   Their Marine is not the only one that benefits - they realize that they do to.   He knows that the women in his life have united, are there for each other and respect his feelings towards both of them.   It makes leave easier - he isn't torn and feeling like he's disappointing people, precious time isn't spent arguing over it.   They have found that talking to each other makes them feel closer to him, they lean on each other for support - which they can give each other in a way no one else can.


I know there are situations that make any of the above almost impossible, there are possessive moms, selfish girlfriends.  I'm just asking that you all try, put the bad feelings that may exist from the past aside, this is a new beginning for everyone and we all need people to help along the way.  If for no other reason - do it for the one you both love... he'll be thankful for it.