the Pre Deployment Blues

I've been at an uncharacteristic loss for words in the past few weeks.  I can't seem to gather my thoughts enough to form coherent sentences, never mind stringing them together to post on a blog ! 

I guess it's called the pre deployment blues.  I keep wondering how do we do this?  How do we say "see you soon" and send our loved ones off to war.    there are no training wheels for this particular chapter, no pre deployment for dummies book, no time.

I find myself staring at my nephew, trying to store every nuance of his speech, his expressions, his laugh, his smile, his ridiculous faces that he makes.  I don't want to forget a thing.   Oddly, as I sit and listen to him speak, in my head I'm hearing the 3 year old asking me the why questions.  Some day's it's like ghosts are in the room.  I'm looking at this handsome, strapping young man, all grown up - yet - I'm seeing the small boy, the junior high schooler , his smile as he got his HS diploma.    Funny thing this role reversal - now it seems that I am the one full of questions... and getting the same type answers I gave him at different ages.   You know questions that the answers change to based on their age? Well now I'm getting answers, apparently, based on how much he thinks I can handle.   When he hugs me , it's accompanied by a pat on the back - he's sensing my unease and comforting me without either of us saying the words.

So how do we do this ? How do we in the silent ranks stifle the words we really want to say, Don't GO!  Suppress the tears - because we don't want them going off worrying about our fears - they have enough of their own to deal with.   How do we do this?   I'm learning we do it the same way we've done everything else all their lives, with a lot of love and compassion.  This time it's more of a minefield to negotiate - which subject will he deem to be off limits today?

I keep being told, and telling others, it's not about us. well I'm finding to some extent it is.  We have to deal with what they are doing and then also deal with how WE are doing.   So many, from what I'm seeing, focus all their energies on their Marines that they forget to take care of themselves.   So - here's my 2 cents - take care of you too. Im not an oracle, I don't know it all, some days I question if I know anything.  But, for me .. this is what seems to be helping.
If you need to take some quiet time take it! If you need to dissolve into tears then do it.   I'm not talking hysteria every time you see them, but, seriously, they know how upset you are and may find it a bit bizarre that you are showing no emotion.   Talk to your friends, get yourself out of the hyper focus. For me the only way to accomplish this is to go back to my non military friends, just being with them, and not having the intensity level that my military friends have, is a relief some days.   I don't need to be feeling guilty at enjoying life's frivolity.  Find a hobby, find someone that needs your help.    Every shopping trip does not have to be centered around a care package, don't stop enjoying and living your life - our freedom to do so is what they are defending.



So how do we do this   ?  I'm curious ... how do YOU do this?  I'm open for suggestions